Is it okay to love your Dominant/Master?

Of course, it is okay. More than okay. It is inevitable that you would have those feelings. A great amount of trust and attraction goes into giving your loyalty and devotion to a Dominant. There is no way that you can avoid having romantic feelings at some point... but you have to be able to handle them.

When my second slave fell in love with me, it complicated things because he started to forget his role. He started wanting a vanilla relationship where both parties are equal. That is not what I want at all. Tried the vanilla way a few times and it didn't work out. I like the comfort of knowing my role and what to expect.

I do care a great deal about my slaves but that develops over time as trust is built. Once I know that my slave has my back and that I can trust him with my life... only then will I allow myself to feel more and invest emotionally.

My slave had to learn that it was okay to be in love with me but not to expect more than what I want out of the relationship. As long as the focus is serving and contributing to my happiness then all the rest will fall into place on its own.
You can have a loving relationship with a Dominant within the context of your original agreement for service. It will just be a different kind of love. In many cases, one more stable than the conventional one.

As with any relationship... there will be bumps along the road that will make you question your decision to serve. What you have to reconcile is your need to serve with your need to be happy.

... and yes, the two can coexist. Although one would think the opportunity to serve would satisfy all quadrants.

**(in response to a question from an online contact)**

 

*UPDATE: Found this old email from a sub who approached me for service and had a question about my blog post. He pointed out that I answered the question from a sub/slave's point of view but not my own. Here is my response:*

"And your question about my blog post about love... is a fair question. One I purposely did not answer as the post was about whether or not it was okay to feel love from the submissive's perspective.

I'm curious to know why it scared you. But I feel I know why. Each Master is different. We all want different things although some of us share the same desires. My view on love in a M/s relationship is this... it is inevitable. I do love my slaves. How can you not? A slave is the one thing in your life you have complete control over. The one person whom you can share everything with and know they have your back. I tend to feel love for my permanent slaves but that's mainly because I feel deeply for anyone who is able to give me what I need. It's not a "I think you are on the same level as I am" kind of love, no. It's more like what a true union is supposed to be like.

You are happy in your role and I happy in mine.

We share mutual respect and love for one another and gain the added benefit of security in knowing we want to be there.

Oddly enough, many relationships are broken from the beginning because they don't feel that level of a connection. How do you marry or link your life to someone you have little to no respect for? Or better yet, has little to no respect for their own life?

Just something to think about and I hope that answered your question. Love is a tricky subject as it's always fresh, new and different with each individual. But knowing myself... if someone came into my life and wanted to be everything for me within the context of this Lifestyle, I could see myself letting that person in. It would be inevitable anyway."

**The Master/slave relationship is the strongest bond out there once established. The strength of such a bond can never been known, until it is tested.**

Conversation with an Idiot

**Original post: November 25, 2012**

 

*This conversation took place on a black domination site I was a member on.*

**bigaltoronto (one hour ago):** I have seen your profile. You seem to be very popular. I love getting my ass fucked by big black cock. What do you like to get into? I'm new on this website. Do you know any dominant black "top" contacts in Toronto, in Canada?

**Blacksovereign (one hour ago):** If you are seeking to be used then you need to present yourself that way. I took a look at your profile and saw nothing. Any interest died there. You looked at my profile, what did you see?

If you wish to be used sexually then you need to do a better job at advertising yourself with MORE details about what you are offering. Specifically more photos of yourself to GET US INTERESTED. Just a simple profile photo does nothing to entice anyone to want to fuck you or even refer you to others who may live in your area.

Presentation is everything when seeking connections online. That is why I seem very popular... and why you contacted me.

**bigaltoronto (5 minutes ago):** I'm sorry I wasted my time contacting you. You sound like a very demanding and very ignorant person.

**Blacksovereign (within 1 minute):** I'm sorry you wasted my time too. Be careful about how you word your responses. All I did was give you advice in how to get a Black man to become interested in you. If you took that as ignorant then you need to rethink your membership to a site about Black Domination.

Don't Forget the Peanut Butter

**Original post: July 2012**

 

I had one of my local service subs pick up a few things from the supermarket before they began their service time. The sub asked if I needed anything more than the two items I requested and I said the majority of the grocery shopping was already done by my slave. He then asked if I had forgotten to tell my slave to pick up the extra items and I said no, he forgot.

The look of confusion on the subs face made me smile. Justin has been serving me for the past 3 weeks. Although he is married and can only serve on weekend mornings, he has incredible attention to detail. He asked how can a sub miss something so simple. And I allowed him to read the text messages I had with my slave concerning his oversight.

I wanted Justin to see the results of my training. I decided to share with the site as well for subs to see from the words of a fellow sub how real this Life is for those who choose to commit to it...

**Me:** Dave you forgot to buy me a fresh loaf of bread. And you forgot to pick up the peanut butter as well. You know damn well to make sure all items are checked and restocked in my pantry if they are out. I guess I'll have to go out and replenish those items myself since I obviously can't trust your ass to do it.

**Dave:** I'll pick up those items and drop them off when I bring the limo down to pick up those people tonight Master.

**Me:** Don't fucking bother. I'll have Justin pick them up before he comes over tomorrow morning. I see that I'll have to create a grocery inventory list for you to check off from now on.

**Dave:** Okay Sir, understood Master. I apologize for the inconvenience.

*(I never replied back)*

**--- the next day**

**Dave:** Master I realize that inconvenience is not the issue. I begged You to take me on as Your slave and to train me in Your service. My position as Your owned slave goes far beyond sub or servant. You and Your needs are desires are far more important than anything else in my life. I know that my "forgetfulness" has been a continuing problem that cannot be tolerated. You should not have to use Your valuable time for mundane tasks like making grocery lists for a slave who knows better. I regret my ineptitude and disrespect towards You, Master.

**Me:** The guilt is worse than any punishment, isn't it? I'm glad you understand the consequences of your actions.

**Dave:** Yes, Sir! Thank You so much for responding Sir! I couldn't sleep last night when You didn't reply back. I can't stand when you are upset with me, Master. I know that forgetting those items was a small thing but You have taught me that serving is more than just following orders. It is submitting my will completely to Yours and putting Your wants first. This is not an excuse but I have been dealing with the basement remodel and it took away from my focus when I was performing my weekly chores. It will not happen again. That is my promise to You, Sir.

After reading the texts, Justin got down on his knees in front of me and said "Sir, I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve you. I will endeavor to never give you a reason to ignore me or dismiss me. I only ask that you forgive my imperfections in advance. I will treat each encounter as a blessing and make sure that you know how much serving you means to me."

It's times like these that make all the work I put into developing and searching for the right subs worth it. You either want to serve and do it right the first time or you don't. It really is that simple. Even a sub who has only known me for 3 weeks was able to figure that out.

**UPDATE: 11/23/12**
I was asked recently if Justin still serves me and the answer is no. He was partnered and although I worked with him on scheduling, he could no longer adhere to our agreed upon service time due to issues with the partner who was an abusive alcoholic. He was told to get rid of that toxic relationship but since there are children involved; although they are grown, he still felt trapped financially. Horrible place to be when you finally discover who you truly are... and realize you are not free to indulge in satisfying that part of yourself.

Oh well... on to the next.

Re: Service

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Comments made on my Poll Site

[polldaddy poll="6495581"]


This morning, I happened to click on the link to my poll to see what the latest tallies were and read the following comments...

**deeplydisturbedbythissite- 2 weeks ago**

*Generations of black people have been enslaved, murdered, tortured and raped. Yet many Dom's on this site seem to think all this suffering means that they can use white guys to get there end away and do house chores. It is deeply disrespectful to all the good people who suffered and died. You people should be ashamed.*

**deeplydisturbedthatyoucare- 6 days ago**

*deeplydisturbedbythissite needs to catch a clue that everybody who joins the site joined because they wanted to and identify with a like interest. Don't even think you can speak for the Black Men who choose to use white men who also CHOOSE to be used. Quite a difference from what our ancestors did to Their ancestors. As my Black Master says when I say something stupid... BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP!*

Whomever "deeplydisturbedthatyoucare" is, I thank you for taking the words right out of my mouth in response to that self righteous ass who couldn't exercise his right to leave the site and keep his opinions to himself. As a descendant of many black relatives who were lynched, killed and countless other atrocities, no white man can EVER speak for what Black people endured. If you don't "get it" then you never will. All you can do is give in to what you feel is right... and if that is serving the Black man, then serve. If not, then you need to work that shit out for yourself.

True freedom is attained when you can give in to who you are. If you identify with being a slave to the needs and desires of the Black race, then you have found your own salvation. To those who already do serve, doesn't it just feel right? Of course, it does. Because you are no longer lying to yourself.

You have found your own truth. Something no religion or man could even find for you.

Knowing Your Role

**ORIGINAL POST: MAY 2012**

We all know there are hundreds, even thousands of people out there seeking to serve a Black Dominant.

We also know that the number of Black Dominants (who are in this for other reasons than just role playing or sex) who are even present and available ONLINE are probably less than a hundred (an estimation based on surveys done on the most commonly used sites available).

What does that mean to the submissive that is genuinely seeking to serve (for reasons other than just sex)? Simple, it's a Dominant's market. We have our pick of subs to choose from so you have to STEP IT UP if you want to get the attention of the Black Dominant you are interested in.

Over the years, I have seen subs casually throw themselves out there and then wonder why nothing happens. What you don't know is that less and less Black Dominants are even interested in the "hassle" of training a submissive.

Submissives, here is most valuable advice you'll ever receive.... Always think "what can I offer Him?" or "What do I have to offer that He would find of value?" These are the type of questions We are seeking from you.

Serving, in my opinion, is the easiest damn job on the planet. You just do as you're told. It's the Dominant who has to take on the responsibility of ruling another human being and molding them to our satisfaction. If anyone has ever owned their own business, then you know the pain of dealing with clashing personalities. This Lifestyle is the same way. A lot of work goes into molding a submissive into what We want them to be. Give Us the respect We deserve and you'll be rewarded for your efforts.

I, for one, will not waste my time on someone who acts like I should thank the heavens that they are interested. I weed through garbage every day and occasionally find a gem amongst the lumps of worthless rocks... but not often.

Reality check... most Black Dominants are busy with their own lives. We want a sub who understand this and works to find a way to fit into our lives. Some of Us want full time slaves. Others just want a nice ass and mouth to fuck. And then there are those who prefer a part time situation where Domination and submission happens when a hookup is scheduled.

My challenge to all the submissives out there is make a better effort to knowing your role.

What does that mean? Let me break it down for you.

Your role is what you are willing to offer to a Black Dominant. This is something that should be offered up front where a Dominant has no question as to what your intentions are.

**Here are some examples of roles that subs can offer:**

1. Full or part time sex toy: this position serves the purpose of needing to offer ones body for a Black Dominants pleasure. The sub satisfies his needs by knowing he was responsible for his Dominant enjoying his sexual services. The expectation is sex only Domination.

**GOAL: To be used by a Black Man**

2. Full or part time servant: this position serves the purpose of offering ones full service to a Dominant. This includes both sexual and domestic. This always starts out as scheduled visits with the possibility of an upgrade to live-in status (depends entirely on what the Dominant wants). The expectation is overall service. Perfect for subs who only feel complete when they are fully utilized by a Black Dominant. The term "slave" should only be used once you have willingly given complete control over yourself to your Master. Not an easy goal as it requires alot of trust. That means trusting both yourself and your chosen Dominant (and vice versa).

**GOAL: To be owned by a Black Man**

3. Novice/First Timer: We all know you have to start somewhere and those who have only dreamed of what it would be like to serve or service a Black Dominant should approach Us as such. Be up front and honest about your inexperience and seek guidance, advice or friendship with a Black Dominant. You get what you put into it. Who knows, that Dominant may become your first time experience.

**GOAL: To be talked into submitting by a Black man.**

Lastly, there is the self-proclaimed submissive who is not a submissive at all. he is simply someone who fantasizes about being dominated but is too scared to take the next step. he stays in his comfort zone seeking pictures and videos of his sexual fantasies. he may even attempt to get a Black Dominant to cam or chat with him yet has no interest beyond that. Sadly, this is the most common type of role and the main reason We as Dominants get fed up with them wasting our time.

This only hurts real submissives who actually want the chance to serve. But there is a way for you to prove you are serious in your chosen role... COMMUNICATE! And to be specific... stop with the "hi" or "you are hot" emails and fucking talk about yourself! You have a very small window to make a first impression. To be taken seriously. Squander that and you lose Our interest.

*Know your role... know who you are before you seek to know someone else.*
**ADDENDUM POST: MAY 2013**

It's been a year since I posted "BS101: Knowing Your Role". I had joined a site called BMR only a week or so prior to posting it in May of 2012. My decision to create it was inspired by the "what are you looking for" options in the member profile for submissives.

From the various contacts I was getting, I had a feeling that most of them did not know what they were looking for. The sexually charged emails were the same as I received on other sites like Recon, Manhunt, CollarMe, Adam4Adam, etc. If I wanted a quick fuck, those other sites would serve a better purpose. So I thought about cancelling my membership. Lord knows all I needed was to be a member of yet another hookup site where "I worship BBC" is played like a broken record.

But then I received an email from a sub who approached me differently. Who had the intelligence to write more than one or two sentences telling me how much he wanted to suck or get fucked by my big black cock. I was intrigued enough to keep reading through the entire email.

The sub talked about how refreshing it was to see another real Dom on the site. That my words spoke to him. Although he lived far away, he wanted to know more about me. He had difficulty finding real Dominants who were comfortable with who they are and was on the verge of giving up altogether... until he came across my Forum posting.

We communicated back and forth for a couple weeks. I shared my blog URL with him as I had begun posting personal articles on it as well. We even chatted via Skype for videoconferencing. He was a good, respectful boy and never did anything that would be considered a waste of my time... which I appreciated greatly.

He got up the courage to ask if I was seeking a slave although he knew because of his career that he couldn't eventually relocate, so we discussed long-distance servitude. I really liked this sub. He did everything I told him to do without reservation or complaint. Even when there was an issue, he brought it to my attention immediately and we worked it out.

He more than passed my test so I decided to help him out by doing something I rarely do for subs whom I have never met in person...

Referred him to another Master who happened to live closer.

I gave my acquaintance a full rundown on my opinion of the sub and his viability as a potential new servant. It helped that our likes and dislikes were similar and the sub had a build that my friend enjoys as well. Compatibility didn't seem to be an issue so I arranged to have the two of them meet.

They hit it off just, as I expected, and the sub (as of December 2012) is now serving his new Master full time. They are both happy and are appreciative for my help in bringing them together.

Why am I sharing this? Continue reading and LEARN.

The sub "knew his role" and thus was able to convince me to spend the necessary time getting to know and trust him. And although distance was an issue for consideration of any kind of permanent ownership, I found him worthy enough to refer to another Dom.

Would I have done that for anyone else?

Hell no! Why would I? If a sub clearly doesn't know who he is or even feels comfortable in his role... why the hell would I subject another Dom to that? In this Lifestyle, half of the connections you make are through referrals. The other half is through reputation. **P**RESENTATION **I**S **E**VERYTHING. I think I have mentioned that before... in my circles, I call it the **P.I.E.** principle.

Most people enjoy a well-baked pie, right? Sweet potato pie, apple pie, pumpkin pie... at first sight or smell, you want to eat it up. However, would you still eat the pie if say... it looked half eaten (damaged)? Looked stale and moldy? Or simply was misrepresented as apple pie when in fact, it was rhubarb... and you HATE rhubarb?

I think you get my point.

We all have our favorites or preferences and seek to find the best possible matches to those preferences. That is why presentation is critically important. And that goes for how you represent yourself online.

Failure to Communicate

Reading the title, it's simple to know what the topic of this blog post is. But do you really understand what it means?

It means that once you establish meaningful contact with a Dominant that you maintain that contact to keep it from falling apart or becoming stale. If you don't think you can do that then thank the Dominant for his time, say that you are not interested and move on.

But many choose the cowards way out and just cease communications all together.

That creates a negative experience for the Dom and hampers opportunities for other subs who may be more vested in finding a Dom than you are.

We all know that it's hard to find good Doms and good subs. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to filter the bad from the good. But for those who are serious about finding a Dominant to serve...

Here are some good tips to gain our confidence:

• Be upfront about your availability and desire to remain in contact

 

• Always respond back to any emails or replies PROMPTLY... not in a few days or the following week. If you can't then APOLOGIZE for taking so long to write back

 

• If you are long distance, immediately state your intentions. If it's to eventually serve, then your next step is to see if traveling for a visit is possible or affordable. It is okay to ask for time to get to know the Dom before making that decision but in any case, COMMUNICATE this upfront.

 

• Don't just say "Hi" or "How are you doing?" on the first communication. Use COMPLETE sentences like "Hello SIR, I saw your profile and I am interested in speaking with you to learn more and to see if you would be interested in me." This creates intent and that you are serious in your inquiry.

 

• Share your contact schedule if using Instant Messaging services or chat room. Knowing when you are online or would be free to be online helps in maintaining consistent contact. The point is doing all that you can to hold our interest once you get it.

A little common sense can go a long way in meeting a Black Dom. Make your intentions known (and that you can stand behind them) and stop with the fancy word play. You want to serve then serve.

What else are you here for? ...another great question to ask yourself.