The Standard

 

Everyone has their own idea of what constitutes a Dominant or submissive standard. Life is confusing enough. The definition should always be straightforward and simple.

If you feel inclined to submit... then submit.
If you feel inclined to dominate... then dominate.
There should be no gray area or exceptions that need to be discussed.

It's a simple, singular focus.  The Standard that primarily defines.

I am a Dominant.

I am a submissive.

In this era of all-inclusiveness and new labels, I can understand how people easily get confused. Too many variables equals too many obstacles. Conforming to one standard that has been around since the beginning of civilization is the true test of finding ones place in this world.

Any other variables will fall into place on its own... in its own time.  Under the primary standard you identify yourself as.

That's the true benefit of knowing who you are.  No conflict or confusion about ones intentions.

 

Are there exceptions?  Of course, there are.  But those variables should find their own place within your primary role.

Not everything can be summed up under one label.  However, our individuality allows us the freedom to compromise, tweak and make it our own.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

When trying to meet people on the Internet, it goes without saying that you have to say something worthwhile to gain attention. But in the 20 years that the World WIde Web has become mainstream, it has gotten too generic.

 

Everyone sounds like everyone else. Catch phrases and slogans are overused to the point that they are a turnoff because we have gotten lazy. Very few of us actually know what it means to be "original".

The colorful art of being unique and one-of-a-kind is almost dead. Yes, sadly so. But... every so often, you come across someone who captures your interest long enough to read further than their stats or their pics.

That how it used to be. How it should be... if you are serious about creating that great first impression. If not, then continue to coast and emulate. Feast on the scraps of what you perceive to be as "good enough".

It works for most of us who don't know any better. But for others... they want more.

Finding a good sub or Dom is hard enough. Building a relationship with that sub or Dom is damn near difficult without establishing trust. But if you can't back up the claims you make with actions... you destroy that fragile trust.

And in many cases, you can never get it back.

No one ever thinks about the collateral damage lies and disrespect leaves in its wake.

Legions of potential Doms and subs left doubtful and suspicious of any good intentions or motives. This goes beyond just simply being cautious. Ruining any chances for the next person who has the sincerest of intentions to try and make up for the mistakes of others before him.

Once you've been burned, that kind of stink doesn't wash off with tomato juice... it lingers. Festers the mind with doubt and mistrust. Virtually destroying all hope of that Dom or sub allowing themselves to want more than what they feel is "safe".

Thus, the current cycle of mistrust is born and recycled. Over and over and over again.

The only way to stop this domino effect is to be true to your word(s). Even if you feel fear, don't take the cowards way out and bail (disappear). Stay. Talk it out and explain how you feel. You'd be surprised at the level of understanding you may receive in return. Most times, your counterpart may actually have the exact same fears as you do.

Novel concept isn't it?

Try it.

Actions speak louder than words... every single time.

 

 

The Black Inferiority Complex

I'm sure that many of us (at some point or another) has come across a Black male or female who seems to enjoy indulging in the race play aspect of pretending to be slaves to a white dom/domme. Although instantly offensive, it begs the question of WHY?

Black Inferiority Complex is attributed as the lack of self-worth and pride some Blacks may feel about themselves.

This post was inspired by an email I received of my BSN FetLife group about a recent incident. It contains my response to the matter:

BSN Member

written 1 day ago:

It has been 8 days since we have spoken MASTER but here I feel I have to tell you that a Black Brother in Fetlife has declared himself a slave to the white man and wants to give blow jobs to us filth. He is attached to the Pigs Group and calls himself a N**r. His nickname is..........luvaboy and has a photograph of one of the brothers in a steel collar. Is this not wrong and does is not bring the name of BLACK SUPERIORITY into disrepute MASTER. Shame on him !! It would be very good if the photograph was of me MASTER. Is there anything you can do about that as he is the FIRST Black Brother I have seen do this !! I wait to hear from you MASTER.

Blacksovereign

written 39 minutes ago:

That is horrible to hear about. I have come across Black men who seem drawn to the race play aspect and for whatever reason choose to demean themselves. This could be due to something that happened in their childhood or a mental imbalance.

It is sad to hear about this and at the same time angering. This also goes to show that Superiority is a state of mind. That Black man (notice I do not consider him a brother) is not a Black Superior. He is a submissive, lower than my status. Only strong Black men who know their own right and power can claim to be Superior.

In this case, I feel sadness for the man for he obviously does not feel he is worthy of respect.

You should take this opportunity to reach out to him. Explain to him that as HIS INFERIOR, he is considered a KING and not a slave to the white man. This will have more meaning coming from the very white men that he is seeking to serve. It would have more effective that way.

BSN Member

written less than a minute ago:

I shall try MASTER but the very thought of a Black Brother being into taking a white pigs seed is very much beyond my belief - YUCK ! It makes me sick ! Also to see a Black Man in a steel collar truly makes me feel so much better to have made the crossing to serve BLACK SUPERIORS and to be a traitor to my pale insipid colour I shall never want to change from being in service to the BLACK RACE. I worship you all MASTER x

I do believe that for the most part it is about fetish race play. But as I mentioned in my response to the sub, it could be a sign of mental illness as well. In the past, it has angered me to the point of wanting to beat some sense into my fellow brother. But violent reaction is not the answer. Just like with someone who wants to commit suicide, it is best to listen to their take on the situation so to learn the WHY of it.

From there, maybe your point of view can be shared... and hopefully become the voice of reason.

I can hear my grandmother right now... "We did not endure rape, killings, being called an Ape, a Nigger and countless other derogatory names and atrocities meant to keep Us down and lower Our self esteem only to hear that some stupid bitch ass nigga is using it for sexual gratification!!!" Yes, she was extremely Black Pride-centric almost to the point of sanctioning the extermination of any whom she considered "traitors to our race". She lived in a time where Blacks did not have any rights.

But it's just that kind of reaction that we want to avoid in today's world. Anger is indeed a powerful emotion but better channeled into compassion and a need to understand. If it is a mental imbalance that is the motivation behind a Black person wanting to submit to a white then we can encourage them to seek professional help.

If it is simply about satisfying a fetish, then should it not be our business? Or should we remind the wayward individual of who he is and how he is perceived?

True Fact: Many Doms/Dommes get into the Lifestyle because they encountered a submissive who allowed them the opportunity to explore that side of themselves (myself included). Because of objectification, many do not trust subs are actually committed to the role and are only play acting... fulfilling a fetish.

They are right... in many cases. But flipping the script, wouldn't that be true for other Dominants who don't know their full potential yet? Maybe all anyone needs is that one true catalyst to show them the way.

Black History Series | Booker Wright

Legacy of Booker Wright, waiter murdered after speaking out on ‘whites only’ restaurant in Mississippi

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Related Posts about Booker Wright

• 40 years later, Mississippi waiter’s ‘magical moment’ renews race relations

 

In 1965, filmmaker Frank De Felitta produced an NBC News documentary about white attitudes towards race in the American South and the tensions of life in the Mississippi Delta during the Civil Rights struggle.  The film outraged some Southern viewers, in part, because of a candid and unforgettable scene featuring Booker Wright, a local African-American waiter in Greenwood, MS.  Wright, who worked at a local “whites only” restaurant, went on national television to deliver a stunning and heartfelt monologue about his true feelings about serving the white community, and about his aspirations for his children, who he hoped would grow up free from the prejudice he faced.  The repercussions for Booker Wright’s courageous candidness were extreme.  He lost his job and was beaten and ostracized by those who considered him “one of their own.”

Almost fifty years after Booker Wright’s television appearance, his granddaughter Yvette Johnson, and Frank De Felitta’s son, director Raymond De Felitta, journey into the Mississippi Delta in search of answers: Who exactly was Booker Wright?  What was the mystery surrounding his courageous life and untimely murder? And what role did this 1965 NBC News documentary play in his fate? While Booker Wright’s name does not appear in history books, Finding Booker’s Place demonstrates that his legacy continues to inspire, many decades later.  The broadcast also raises critical questions about society today.  Most importantly, in 2012,can we truly say we live in a post-racial America?

On Sunday, “Dateline” will air Finding Booker’s Place, an unflinching look into race relations in America over the last four and a half decades.  “Dateline” follows the paths of two strangers, both bent on unraveling family mysteries, who discover that they share a unique bond that is rooted within NBC News and goes back to the most tumultuous days of the Civil Rights movement in Mississippi.  TheGrio talked to “Dateline” anchor Lester Holt about Booker’s story.

THEGRIO:  Who was Booker Wright?

LESTER HOLT: While you won’t find Booker Wright’s name in any history books, he is an unsung hero whose legacy continues to inspire, many decades later.  He was a local African-American waiter in Greenwood, MS who worked at a local “whites only” restaurant.  After going on national television to deliver a stunning and heartfelt monologue about his true feelings about serving the white community, his life was forever changed.

What part did NBC News play in his story?

The broadcast that Booker Wright courageously appeared on over 40 decades ago was an NBC News documentary.  In 1966, filmmaker Frank DeFelitta produced an NBC News documentary about white attitudes towards race in the American South and the tensions of life in the Mississippi Delta during the civil rights struggle.  The film outraged some Southern viewers, in part, because of an unforgettable scene featuring Booker Wright.

What surprised you most about this story?

Besides the coincidence of three people from broadly different backgrounds –a pair of filmmakers and Booker Wright’s granddaughter – separately trying to uncover Booker Wright’s story, I was frankly surprised we hadn’t heard of Wright and his brave act of defiance before.  His painful description to a national television audience of the degradation and humiliation he suffered as a black man in Mississippi was as courageous an act as any from that time. Of course the documentary in which he appeared only ran once in 1966, and in those days there was no equivalent to “viral video.” His story would have gone untold if not for the determination of the individuals you will meet in our report.

How did white Mississippians react to your search for Booker?

My sense is that the people of Mississippi do not run from their history. On the contrary, in many ways it is openly acknowledged as a point of reference to demonstrate and appreciate how far things have come.  In the original documentary, a group of Greenwood civic leaders speak about the virtues on segregation.  46 years later, Greenwood has a mixed race town council. The people I met, both black and white, seemed genuinely interested and supportive of our story.

What’s the one big takeaway you want viewers to get from this broadcast?

I don’t like to predispose what viewers will or should take from a given story, but for me personally, Booker Wright’s story was a reminder that broad change in society isn’t always rooted in high-profile seminal moments. Sometimes the seeds of change are planted by small and unrecognized acts of courage.

Originally posted by theGrio | July 13, 2012 at 11:28 AM

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Booker's Place: A Mississippi Story is a 2012 documentary film about Booker Wright, an African-American waiter who worked in a restaurant for whites only.

In 1965, Wright appeared in Mississippi: A Self Portrait, a short NBC television documentary about racism in the American South. During his interview with producer Frank De Felitta, he spoke openly about racism, and his treatment as a waiter in an all-white restaurant. The broadcast of his remarks had catastrophic consequences for Wright.

Booker's Place: A Mississippi Story was directed by the son of Frank De Felitta, Oscar-nominated, independent filmmaker Raymond De Felitta, and co-produced by one of Booker Wright’s four grandchildren, Yvette Johnson. It includes interviews with those who lived in the community. They discuss life at the time, and the restaurant Wright owned, which catered to African-American customers.

Director, Raymond De Felitta
The documentary premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival on April 25, 2012.

Booker's Place: A Mississippi Story was directed by the son of Frank De Felitta, Oscar-nominated, independent filmmaker Raymond De Felitta, and co-produced by one of Booker Wright’s four grandchildren, Yvette Johnson.  It includes interviews with those who lived in the community. They discuss life at the time, and the restaurant Wright owned, which catered to African-American customers.

Mississippi: A Self Portrait

The original documentary, the subject of Booker's Place: A Mississippi Story, was produced by Frank De Felitta in 1965. De Felitta worked for NBC as a documentary filmmaker. He was given his own unit, and so generally had the freedom to select his own topics. He was inspired to make Mississippi: A Self Portrait after reading a New York Times Sunday Magazine article by Hodding Carter about injustice experienced by African Americans in Mississippi. He approached NBC, and the project was approved.  He traveled to Mississippi to interview local residents. There, in Greenwood, he was introduced to Booker Wright, a waiter at Lusco’s, a whites-only restaurant. Wright sang the menu, a gimmick at the restaurant. This was also because there were no menus, a measure used to discourage African Americans from patronizing the restaurant.  Wright spoke openly about his treatment by customers, and life in a racist society. The documentary appeared on NBC television.

Consequences of the broadcast

Following the broadcast of the NBC documentary, Wright quit his job at the all-white restaurant after being shunned by customers. He was severely pistol-whipped by a policeman, and his own restaurant, Booker’s Place was firebombed. Wright was eventually murdered by an African American customer.

You can watch Booker's Place on Netflix. 

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Black History Series | Hattie McDaniel

Synopsis

Actress Hattie McDaniel was born on June 10, 1895, in Wichita, Kansas. In 1925, she became one of the first African-American women on the radio. In 1934, she landed her on-screen break in Judge Priest. She became the first African American to win an Oscar in 1940, for her role as Mammy in Gone with the Wind. In 1947, she starred on CBS radio's The Beulah Show. She died on October 26, 1952, in Los Angeles, California.

Watch the video biography:  http://www.biography.com/people/hattie-mcdaniel-38433/videos/hattie-mcdaniel-mini-biography-54734915669

QUOTES

"Hell, I'd rather play a maid than be one."

– Hattie McDaniel

Early Life

Hattie McDaniel was born on June 10, 1895, to a family of entertainers in Wichita, Kansas. She was her parents' 13th child. Her father, Henry, was a Baptist minister who played the banjo and performed in minstrel shows. Her mother, Susan Holbert, was a gospel singer. In 1901, McDaniel and her family moved to Denver, Colorado.

McDaniel attended the 24th Street Elementary School in Denver, where she was one of only two black students in her class. Her natural flair for singing—in church, at school and in her home—was apparent early on, and gained her popularity among her classmates. Following her elementary schooling, McDaniel attended Denver East High School for two years.

Singing and Dancing

While still in high school, McDaniel started professionally singing, dancing and performing funny skits in minstrel shows. In 1910, she decided to leave school in order to train with her father's minstrel troupe full time. In 1920, she became a member of Professor George Morrison's orchestra, and toured with his and other vaudeville troops for the next five years. In 1925, she was invited to perform on Denver's KOA radio station. The performance gave McDaniel the illustrious distinction of being the first African-American woman to sing on the radio in the United States.

Following her radio performance, McDaniel continued to work the vaudeville circuit for the next few years. When work was slow, she took a job as a restroom attendant to supplement her income. Much to her relief, in 1929, McDaniel landed a steady gig as a vocalist at Sam Pick's Club in Milwaukee.

Acclaimed Actress

A year or so later, McDaniel's brother, Sam, and sister, Etta, convinced her to move to Los Angeles, where they had managed to procure minor movie roles for themselves. Sam was also a regular on a KNX radio show, called The Optimistic Do-Nuts. Not long after arriving in L.A., McDaniel had a chance to appear on her brother's radio show. She was a quick hit with listeners, and was dubbed "Hi-Hat Hattie" for donning formal wear during her first KNX radio performance.

In 1931 McDaniel scored her first small film role as an extra in a Hollywood musical. In 193, she won a larger role as a housekeeper in The Golden West. McDaniel continued to land bit parts here and there, but, as roles for blacks were hard to come by at the time, she was once again forced to take odd jobs to make ends meet.

McDaniel landed her first major on-screen break in 1934, singing a duet with Will Rogers in John Ford's Judge Priest. The following year, McDaniel was awarded the role of Mom Beck, starring opposite Shirley Temple and Lionel Barrymore in The Little Colonel.

The part gained McDaniel the attention of Hollywood directors, and was followed by a steady stream of offers.

In 1939, McDaniel accepted a role that would mark the highlight of her entertainment career. As Mammy, Scarlett O'Hara's house servant in Gone with the Wind, McDaniel earned the 1940 Academy Award for best supporting actress—becoming the first African American to win an Oscar. All of the film's black actors, including McDaniel, were barred from attending the film's premiere in 1939, aired at the Loew's Grand Theatre on Peachtree Street in Atlanta, Georgia.

Later, during World War II, McDaniel helped entertain American troops and promoted the sale of war bonds.

Controversy

Through the mid-1940s, McDaniel appeared in additional films, primarily playing roles that members of the post-war progressive black community were beginning to cite as offensively old-fashioned. Since playing Mom Beck in The Little Colonel, McDaniel had been attacked by the media for taking parts that perpetuated a negative stereotype of blacks; she was criticized for playing servants and slaves who were seemingly content to retain their role as such.

Walter White, then president of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, pleaded with African-American actors to stop accepting such stereotypical roles, as he believed they degraded the black community. He also urged movie studios to start creating roles that portrayed blacks as capable of achieving far more than cooking and cleaning for white people.

In her defense, McDaniel responded by asserting her prerogative to accept whatever roles she chose. She also suggested that characters like Mammy proved themselves as more than just measuring up to their employers.

Later Life and Death

As the Civil Rights Movement progressed, the sort of roles for which McDaniel was typecast began to gradually disappear. As a result of her conflict with the NAACP, she was also no longer a popular choice for film roles. Movie offers eventually stopped coming altogether.

McDaniel reacted to the decline in her acting career by making a strategic return to radio in the late 1940s. In 1947, she took the starring role on CBS radio’s The Beulah Show. Although McDaniel was once again playing a maid, she managed—to the NAACP's approval—to use her talents to break racial stereotypes rather than reinforce them.

In 1951, McDaniel started filming for a television version of The Beulah Show. Unexpectedly, she suffered a heart attack around the same time, but was able to resume filming after a short recovery period. When McDaniel was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1952, actress Louise Beavers stepped in to assume her role on the TV show.

Hattie McDaniel lost her battle with cancer in Los Angeles, California, on October 26, 1952. Since her death, McDaniel has been posthumously awarded two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Additionally, in 1975, she was inducted into the Black Filmmakers Hall of Fame.

© 2014 A+E Networks. All rights reserved.

The Anatomy of a Submissive

CHAPTER ONE - There is more to being a submissive than following orders or assuming the “bottom” role during a session.  Someone who can identify themselves as a true submissive is actually quite rare as there is a difference between play acting a role to satisfy a fantasy and knowing in your heart that you feel the most "at peace" when you allow yourself to be dominated.

Everyone starts out somewhere.  Whether it be joining the army to serve your country yet, at the same time, discovering how much you love taking orders and being told what to do.  Or, even from childhood, you have always felt comfortable letting others you look up to take the lead.

The basics of being a submissive are innate.  You either feel subservient to those you feel attracted or not.  It is a huge step to willingly give up control to someone.  It is always consensual so, as a submissive, you do have control over who you choose to serve.  Never give control to another out of sheer loneliness or desperation.  This is a “relationship” and as such, needs to be formed based on compromise and mutual respect.  Dominants respect a subs gift of willing submission.  Submissives respect a Dom’s gift of controlled domination.  For the relationship to work within the Lifestyle, both parties need to understand what the other needs.

As a submissive, your first task is to initiate dialogue with the Dominant you are interested in.  Avoid the overly aggressive “serve me now” types as a true Dominant will take the time to allow you to express what you have to offer and share with you what they are looking for as well.

Your second task is to determine if you wish to pursue service with the Dominant or become “friends”.  I use this term because if you have decided that you would rather not pursue a relationship with the Dominant (but you still respect Them), it is important to at least cultivate a friendship of sorts to build up your network.  Because there is no defined community for this Lifestyle, each chance to meet someone who shares your interests is one that should never be squandered.  Networking provides opportunities to learn and possibly be referred to or meet a Dominant who may be just right for you (and vice versa).

Your best advertising tool is someone who knows enough about you to vouch for your authenticity.

On the same token, squander an opportunity by disrespecting a former interest will come back to bite you in the ass.  Dominants do talk with one another or will come into contact at some point.  You may find a Dominant whom you really want to get to know but they heard through “the grapevine” that you were disrespectful.  And guess what happens then… it’s over before it even began.  Dominants do not tolerate disrespect.  Even if you are not interested, still be respectful and decline gracefully.

Karma is a bitch so stay on her good side..  

If you have decided to pursue servitude with a Dominant, this is the time to find out what kind of servitude you want.

 

CHAPTER TWO - You can make two choices for yourself at this stage.  You can either follow your head (the one in your pants) or you can follow your heart.  To effectively choose between the two depends on where you are in your life RIGHT NOW and ultimately what you want... what you "crave".  Many are just “not there yet” and that is okay.  You have to start somewhere, right?  So start by exploring what you need with a singular focus on the sexual aspect. 

Finding partners will be easy as the expectation is sex or sex with no strings.

If you feel comfortable and satisfied with this avenue of following your head then stick with it.  Yes, it is that simple.  The act of choosing your path just requires knowing what you truly want.  And, if it’s sexual gratification while working to please your Counterpart (Dom/Top) then you are where you are supposed to be.

But what if it isn’t enough?  What if there is a part of you that yearns for more?  Now the hard part begins… following your heart.

Sometimes the very thing you’re looking for… is the one thing you can’t see.

The heart of a submissive is a deeply felt need to serve and to feel valued by someone they trust and desire.  A relationship is a relationship no matter how it’s formed.  It’s two people forging a unique bond that satisfies their needs.  That being a Dominant’s need to be in control; and a submissive’s need to be controlled.  It’s like the Chinese yin and yang symbol (or my emblem displayed on the header of this site).  Two counterparts that are opposite but require the other to become whole.  A symbiotic relationship.

To follow ones heart means understanding their need to serve and please.  And it’s not that simple.  Most know they are submissive but they don’t know why.  Many are just born that way… naturally submissive.  For others, the feeling may have been triggered due to some event that happened in their past.  If it bothers you to not know the reason why or you feel ashamed of these feeling, then I suggest you take a little to really think about it.  You already know the answer to your own questions… you just have to be brave enough to admit and accept it.

Otherwise, you become an avatar of your surroundings.  Moving through life as if watching it through a window.  And that’s not living.  That is simply existing.  If you want to live… be honest with yourself.  As they say, the truth will set you free.  The only way to live this life is to live it honestly.  Stay true to yourself and you will find what you seek.  You may have to deal with a few bumps in the road here and there but never give up on going for what you want.

It’s a lesson I have had to reteach myself a few times over the years.  I won’t lie to you, the road is a bumpy one filled with insincere people, confused people, dangerous people and people that make you scratch your head and say “WTF???”   Through it all… stay true to who you know yourself to be.  You always get back what you put into it… eventually.

The greatest challenge of them all is finding a way to conquer your fears and learn from your mistakes instead of hiding from them.

If you have reached the point of no return and know what you were meant to be, then the last step is simple.  Put yourself out there.

To be continued…