What is the big deal about marriage and protecting it? Oh yeah, it's a holy sacrament in the eyes of God, right? WRONG.
Marriage has and will always be primarily about financial gain. Or must everyone forget that women didn't have any rights until just recently. Back then, women were no better than slaves and families made arrangements to marry them off so that the families could merge. A dowery(sp?) was needed in order to seal the deal. Most didn't marry until there was so kind of financial advantage to it, usually over real estate.
Not much has changed. Married people benefit from a slew of tax cuts and advantages. And add children to the mix and you have one pretty awesome tax shelter. And I honestly believe that conservatives are more worried about anyone being able to benefit than about the sanctity of an institution that allows you to thumb your nose up at God by breaking your vows.
How so? Glad you asked... remember the age old verse of "through thick and thin, until death do us part"? I don't know about you but that sounds like a life-long commitment that you just made to God to be together NO MATTER WHAT. So if marriage is so damn sacred, why do we tolerate divorce? Isn't that saying that you don't respect God and that you lied to "Him" and are only thinking about yourself?
How selfish and hypocritical to use God as a basis for your argument when you don't address the bigger issue... preserving the sanctity of marriage by abolishing DIVORCE!
Quite frankly, I believe that if you make marriage a life-long condition instead of allowing people to marry and divorce at will... you will see alot less people gay or straight wanting to marry. And that is a good thing as marriage is about love. Not lust and blinding passion that wanes a few days, weeks or months after tying the knot.
Would you just headlong into marriage knowing that you couldn't get out of it once the deed was done?
That would solve a host of problems like: marriages of convenience (green card, tax benefits, etc.), drunken/spur of the moment marriages for fun, and not respecting the institution as a life changing and permanently binding event.
If you took divorce out of it and made it the true sacrament of life-long partnership that it should be... you could see a big change in the number of people who just get married because of some misguided since of inevitability.
People would probably take that extra time to live together first so to really get to know their loved one before taking that "final" step.
On the other hand, you could see some people take the "death do us part" thing seriously and take matters into their own hands. I won't elaborate as you know what I'm referring to.
My main point is... you can't expect the public to take a religious argument against allowing gay people to marry without proving that it is an institution based on respect for God and his supposed will. Take away divorce and I'll respect that point of view.
Until then, marriage is good business sense and I think everyone should be able to benefit from it. I don't see a break down of civilization, as we know it, because we allowed two women or men to marry so that they can support their families (children, keeping property after death, etc.).
Hell, with the high rate of divorce among the gays that did marry... I don't think conservatives/religious right have anything to worry about. That in itself should show that it doesn't matter who you are... you all experience the same trials that come with marriage and use divorce as a quick fix.
Would you get married knowing that you couldn't get out of it if something went wrong?
Takes the novelty right out of it doesn't it? And that's my point. Fix marriage and this debate becomes a mute point, in my opinion.
For the record, I believe in marriage and was fortunate enough to be able to watch my parents stick together through their trials and tribulations. They fell in love, then out of love... then back in love again, leading me to believe that love comes and goes in cycles. Just stick together long enough and you will find your way back to that love. Think about it, if people just stayed together instead of breaking up... only to get back together later anyway, you will find this to be true.
You can "separate" yet stay married and committed. Communication is the key to fixing any problem. It's the most simple thing yet so hard for most people. And it goes for everything from taking care of your partner (sex, romance, etc.) regardless of whether you are "in the mood" or not to little things like leaving the toilet seat up. Compromise is a MUST. Without it, you are doomed to fail. It's never just about you. That's selfish. YOU do not exist in a marriage... it's WE.
Adhere to that and marriage becomes what it should be... a holy union that can weather anything.
This post was originally published in 2005
The Black Sovereign Journal | Marriage
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
BSJ Overpopulation
The following post may offend or even shock some people who can't see the bigger picture beyond their limited ability to see beyond their own environment. It is intended to put light on a grave problem that needs to be addressed... and SOON!
The Bible states "be fruitful and multiply..." That was during a time when there were barely a million people on the planet. Not something that you should take literally in today's world faced with a resource crisis.
Today, in a world filled to the brim with billions of humans that unlike our fellow inhabitants do not participate in the natural food chain. Thus, no natural predators to keep our population in check. We actually recognize the dangers of overpopulation in the animal kingdom and actively participate in regular slaughters designed to restore balance. But it's funny how we don't apply that same mentality to the human race.
Resource shortages in the near future, as a result of continued population growth, will make thinking "every life is precious and has a right to life" become the biggest failure in human history. I'm not a communist but China has it right by limiting the number of children a couple can have. Do you really need more than one child? Growing up I knew people who got pregnant on purpose just so they can get a welfare check. And these people would have like 10 kids... none of which they could afford to feed and properly take care of.
I believe the death penalty should be standard for ANYONE who premeditates a murder. I don't want my hard earned tax dollars going to housing and feeding these people who, in my opinion, lost their right to life. Prisoners (who are sentenced to LIFE in prison) should be considered free labor (slaves) and made to spend the rest of their lives stripped of their basic human rights. Am I saying bring back slavery? Not exactly but if you want crime to go down, that kind of consequence is as good of a deterrent to crime as any ever thought up. Some may cry out that it would take away from jobs but do you want a job cleaning up a toxic waste dump? Are you going to run out and apply to clean up a polluted landfill? My point exactly. Will you commit a crime knowing you could be forced to work in such dangerous and unhealthy conditions?
I'm getting off topic here... the more overpopulation continues to go unchecked, the closer we get to nature correcting the situation for us. And in ways that would be considered catastrophic. Disease, wars, and pandemics are on the rise. Most of the pandemics we are seeing started in nature.... while some were man-made. We make movies about some idiot in a science lab playing around with a super-virus, then the virus gets out and it's bye-bye human civilization as you know it.
I won't mention my support for abortion as that speaks for itself. My point is that there are too many people on this planet and just like we control "pests" by sanctioning killings to bring the populations back under control, we should sanction mass genocide to help protect the availability of our natural resources for the next generations to come.
I'm a realist and a clairvoyant. Respect the planet you live on for you are at it's mercy. Whether you agree or not. The time of man will have it's day of judgement. This planet is dying and nature is struggling to adapt. Eventually, nature will take care of the "problem".
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HISTORY!!!
Earth has experienced TWO mass extinctions and is over due for a "reboot". You can choose to believe what I say or not. But what I think or say won't matter once all of mankind is faced with the reality of its own destruction.
... whether by man itself or by the very planet we depend on for survival.
Like I said, this post may outrage some people but free speech and the right to express oneself is a god-given right. I have a right to my opinion and you have yours. The difference is... I RESPECT everyone's opinion (whether I agree or not), but very few people have the maturity needed to respect others.
To make it clear, I don't sanction genocide but enacting population control for the sole purpose of restoring the human population to a SUSTAINABLE level is critical to the long-term availability of our natural resources. Otherwise, mass extinction will happen on it's own anyway... as it is already in isolated occurrences.
What I believe does not matter as the future will take care of itself. Hopefully, I'll be long dead by the time of worst of it becomes a reality for mankind.
The Black Sovereign Journal | Overpopulation
The Bible states "be fruitful and multiply..." That was during a time when there were barely a million people on the planet. Not something that you should take literally in today's world faced with a resource crisis.
Today, in a world filled to the brim with billions of humans that unlike our fellow inhabitants do not participate in the natural food chain. Thus, no natural predators to keep our population in check. We actually recognize the dangers of overpopulation in the animal kingdom and actively participate in regular slaughters designed to restore balance. But it's funny how we don't apply that same mentality to the human race.
Resource shortages in the near future, as a result of continued population growth, will make thinking "every life is precious and has a right to life" become the biggest failure in human history. I'm not a communist but China has it right by limiting the number of children a couple can have. Do you really need more than one child? Growing up I knew people who got pregnant on purpose just so they can get a welfare check. And these people would have like 10 kids... none of which they could afford to feed and properly take care of.
I believe the death penalty should be standard for ANYONE who premeditates a murder. I don't want my hard earned tax dollars going to housing and feeding these people who, in my opinion, lost their right to life. Prisoners (who are sentenced to LIFE in prison) should be considered free labor (slaves) and made to spend the rest of their lives stripped of their basic human rights. Am I saying bring back slavery? Not exactly but if you want crime to go down, that kind of consequence is as good of a deterrent to crime as any ever thought up. Some may cry out that it would take away from jobs but do you want a job cleaning up a toxic waste dump? Are you going to run out and apply to clean up a polluted landfill? My point exactly. Will you commit a crime knowing you could be forced to work in such dangerous and unhealthy conditions?
I'm getting off topic here... the more overpopulation continues to go unchecked, the closer we get to nature correcting the situation for us. And in ways that would be considered catastrophic. Disease, wars, and pandemics are on the rise. Most of the pandemics we are seeing started in nature.... while some were man-made. We make movies about some idiot in a science lab playing around with a super-virus, then the virus gets out and it's bye-bye human civilization as you know it.
I won't mention my support for abortion as that speaks for itself. My point is that there are too many people on this planet and just like we control "pests" by sanctioning killings to bring the populations back under control, we should sanction mass genocide to help protect the availability of our natural resources for the next generations to come.
I'm a realist and a clairvoyant. Respect the planet you live on for you are at it's mercy. Whether you agree or not. The time of man will have it's day of judgement. This planet is dying and nature is struggling to adapt. Eventually, nature will take care of the "problem".
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HISTORY!!!
Earth has experienced TWO mass extinctions and is over due for a "reboot". You can choose to believe what I say or not. But what I think or say won't matter once all of mankind is faced with the reality of its own destruction.
... whether by man itself or by the very planet we depend on for survival.
Like I said, this post may outrage some people but free speech and the right to express oneself is a god-given right. I have a right to my opinion and you have yours. The difference is... I RESPECT everyone's opinion (whether I agree or not), but very few people have the maturity needed to respect others.
To make it clear, I don't sanction genocide but enacting population control for the sole purpose of restoring the human population to a SUSTAINABLE level is critical to the long-term availability of our natural resources. Otherwise, mass extinction will happen on it's own anyway... as it is already in isolated occurrences.
- Famine
- World Wars (over resources)
- Natural Disasters (occurring more frequently)
- Fresh Water Depletion (coming soon to a water source near you, if things don't change)
- Plagues/Pandemics
What I believe does not matter as the future will take care of itself. Hopefully, I'll be long dead by the time of worst of it becomes a reality for mankind.
The Black Sovereign Journal | Overpopulation
BSJ Religion
Everyone has an opinion... about everything. What makes us different from the rest of the animal kingdom is our ability to think singularly and affect our own destiny. Of course, there are people who feel that everyone should believe and think the same way they do. And will do just about anything (by hook or by crook) to make sure you only see (and abide by) their point of view (think the Spanish Inquisition).
... this is where the problems and issues humans face today originate.
Religion, or should I say organized religion, is the great con of mankind. Any institution that chooses a central character (yes, that's right, I meant it just as it sounded) to act as a conduit or channel to "God" is pulling your d@#$. Why do I feel this you might ask? Simple. I was forced to attend Catholic school.
Don't get me wrong. I received a great education there and they were fair in teaching an adequate amount of info on other religions but I have a hard time believing in a supreme being who doesn't make himself known. Especially one that wants me to follow "man-made" rules in order to be allowed into so-called Heaven at the end of my life.
While religion works for some... it is repressive for others. My view on the free will issue is that if we were created to "serve", why give free will? Just make us mindless slaves that follow the call of the wild just like the rest of the animal kingdom. Problem solved. But, of course... it's never that simple.
My biggest gripe is the Bible. How can you trust a man-made object that has been written and rewritten so many times? Hell, there are even "lost" chapters that were excluded during translations because they didn't coincide with what the Church (at that time) wanted people to believe.
Another example that you can't take what you read or hear as gospel truth. If you didn't live during the time the events of the Bible happened, how do you know what you are reading is the honest to God truth? It's like the communication experiment I remember from Grade school (elementary) where you tell someone a phrase and have them repeat it to the next person... and so on and so on. Eventually, the phrase is related back to you by the last person to hear it. I've done this exercise several times and the original phrase is never repeated in it's original form.
"Sam went to the beach to find some sea shells for Eleanor" comes back sounding like "Sam sailed out to sea to find the beaches of Equador". Since the Bible started out as a collection of stories passed down from generation to generation until it was finally recorded as a book to preserve the stories, how can you truly believe word for word what a book says you should believe in?
The answer is... you can't. Unless you are a mindless, emotionally disturbed iditot who can't think for themself. But I do have to admit... what better way to control the masses than to give them something to believe in. Something to make sense of creation and the age old question of why are we here? Although, I have my misgivings about religion, in some ways, it is a means to an end.
Without religion for people in authority to use to impose their will... there would be chaos and anarchy.
The Puritans were persecuted in England for their beliefs and so to be allowed the freedom to practice what they believe... they fled to the New World. What happened when they got there? They ended up being just as uncompromising and intolerant of any idea or behaviors that weren't sanctioned by the Church. Did you know that married couples could only have sex on certain days, in that culture? Also, if you didn't attend Church, you were labeled a heretic and could face jail time or even worse. Is it any wonder that the Salem witch trials were just diabolical disguises for mass murder and revenge? Of course not. Too much power in the hands of a few is DANGEROUS (remember the Spanish Inquisition, anyone?).
My point with this is... although I respect a persons right to believe in what they want to believe in, I don't agree with the same people trying to force their beliefs on others.
Abortion is a no brainer... let the woman decide. She can make many babies during her cycle so why bring unwanted children into this world that's already overpopulated? Sorry, but every life is not precious... if the parents can't take care of it or worse yet... don't want them. Why subject a child to foster homes and orphanages when you can halt the process of birth until the timing is right and the condition is right to support a child. Of course, no one thinks about this... only that they feel abortion is murder and all life is precious and should be protected.
I've got issues with that too. If that was the case, why doesn't anyone bat an eyelash when you hear about civilians mass murdered in civil wars and drug wars? Why is a new baby of higher priority than people who are already alive? A life is a life. The value is the same. Babies can't defend themselves, I agree but so can't those who are caught in the middle of something they didn't start.
In my view, you can't be pro-life and stand by and do nothing when you hear of such atrocities going on in the world. If you are anti-abortion then be anti-violence against humans of all ages as well. We were all newborns at one time... so that makes EVERY HUMAN LIFE precious and worth saving.
Personally, I don't believe in abortion as an answer. Abstinance or proper birth control is the answer. But, although I would rather see a baby born to a family that can support it... it is ultimately the woman who this affects whose decision is the most important.
... not the anti-abortionists. Not the politicians. And definitely not YOURS. Would you want someone telling you what you can or cannot do with your own body?
I thought not.
My mother always taught me to stop, take a deep breath, and then try and look at BOTH sides of an issue before reacting. It's sound advice and one that makes life and the choices you make everyday a bit easier to reconcile with.
The Black Sovereign Journal | Religion
... this is where the problems and issues humans face today originate.
Religion, or should I say organized religion, is the great con of mankind. Any institution that chooses a central character (yes, that's right, I meant it just as it sounded) to act as a conduit or channel to "God" is pulling your d@#$. Why do I feel this you might ask? Simple. I was forced to attend Catholic school.
Don't get me wrong. I received a great education there and they were fair in teaching an adequate amount of info on other religions but I have a hard time believing in a supreme being who doesn't make himself known. Especially one that wants me to follow "man-made" rules in order to be allowed into so-called Heaven at the end of my life.
While religion works for some... it is repressive for others. My view on the free will issue is that if we were created to "serve", why give free will? Just make us mindless slaves that follow the call of the wild just like the rest of the animal kingdom. Problem solved. But, of course... it's never that simple.
My biggest gripe is the Bible. How can you trust a man-made object that has been written and rewritten so many times? Hell, there are even "lost" chapters that were excluded during translations because they didn't coincide with what the Church (at that time) wanted people to believe.
Another example that you can't take what you read or hear as gospel truth. If you didn't live during the time the events of the Bible happened, how do you know what you are reading is the honest to God truth? It's like the communication experiment I remember from Grade school (elementary) where you tell someone a phrase and have them repeat it to the next person... and so on and so on. Eventually, the phrase is related back to you by the last person to hear it. I've done this exercise several times and the original phrase is never repeated in it's original form.
"Sam went to the beach to find some sea shells for Eleanor" comes back sounding like "Sam sailed out to sea to find the beaches of Equador". Since the Bible started out as a collection of stories passed down from generation to generation until it was finally recorded as a book to preserve the stories, how can you truly believe word for word what a book says you should believe in?
The answer is... you can't. Unless you are a mindless, emotionally disturbed iditot who can't think for themself. But I do have to admit... what better way to control the masses than to give them something to believe in. Something to make sense of creation and the age old question of why are we here? Although, I have my misgivings about religion, in some ways, it is a means to an end.
Without religion for people in authority to use to impose their will... there would be chaos and anarchy.
The Puritans were persecuted in England for their beliefs and so to be allowed the freedom to practice what they believe... they fled to the New World. What happened when they got there? They ended up being just as uncompromising and intolerant of any idea or behaviors that weren't sanctioned by the Church. Did you know that married couples could only have sex on certain days, in that culture? Also, if you didn't attend Church, you were labeled a heretic and could face jail time or even worse. Is it any wonder that the Salem witch trials were just diabolical disguises for mass murder and revenge? Of course not. Too much power in the hands of a few is DANGEROUS (remember the Spanish Inquisition, anyone?).
My point with this is... although I respect a persons right to believe in what they want to believe in, I don't agree with the same people trying to force their beliefs on others.
Abortion is a no brainer... let the woman decide. She can make many babies during her cycle so why bring unwanted children into this world that's already overpopulated? Sorry, but every life is not precious... if the parents can't take care of it or worse yet... don't want them. Why subject a child to foster homes and orphanages when you can halt the process of birth until the timing is right and the condition is right to support a child. Of course, no one thinks about this... only that they feel abortion is murder and all life is precious and should be protected.
I've got issues with that too. If that was the case, why doesn't anyone bat an eyelash when you hear about civilians mass murdered in civil wars and drug wars? Why is a new baby of higher priority than people who are already alive? A life is a life. The value is the same. Babies can't defend themselves, I agree but so can't those who are caught in the middle of something they didn't start.
In my view, you can't be pro-life and stand by and do nothing when you hear of such atrocities going on in the world. If you are anti-abortion then be anti-violence against humans of all ages as well. We were all newborns at one time... so that makes EVERY HUMAN LIFE precious and worth saving.
Personally, I don't believe in abortion as an answer. Abstinance or proper birth control is the answer. But, although I would rather see a baby born to a family that can support it... it is ultimately the woman who this affects whose decision is the most important.
... not the anti-abortionists. Not the politicians. And definitely not YOURS. Would you want someone telling you what you can or cannot do with your own body?
I thought not.
My mother always taught me to stop, take a deep breath, and then try and look at BOTH sides of an issue before reacting. It's sound advice and one that makes life and the choices you make everyday a bit easier to reconcile with.
The Black Sovereign Journal | Religion
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Random Reflections 071112
GOD! I HATE JURY DUTY!!!
I know its a civic right and but I would prefer that it be more of a choice than a random one. Yes, I am waiting to either be selected or sent home. That process alone is inhuman. Two hours and still no decision! If it was me making the decision, I would have included the questionnaire with the summons so to speed up the damn process. Being a Dominant, I am used to people waiting for me to make a decision not the other way around. Then again, I'm dealing with a system developed by inferiors so I shouldn't be surprised.
*sigh* The wait continues...
I know its a civic right and but I would prefer that it be more of a choice than a random one. Yes, I am waiting to either be selected or sent home. That process alone is inhuman. Two hours and still no decision! If it was me making the decision, I would have included the questionnaire with the summons so to speed up the damn process. Being a Dominant, I am used to people waiting for me to make a decision not the other way around. Then again, I'm dealing with a system developed by inferiors so I shouldn't be surprised.
*sigh* The wait continues...
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The Anatomy of a Submissive
CHAPTER ONE - There is more to being a submissive than following orders or assuming the “bottom” role during a session. Someone who can identify themselves as a true submissive is actually quite rare as there is a difference between play acting a role to satisfy a fantasy and knowing in your heart that you feel the most "at peace" when you allow yourself to be dominated.Everyone starts out somewhere. Whether it be joining the army to serve your country yet, at the same time, discovering how much you love taking orders and being told what to do. Or, even from childhood, you have always felt comfortable letting others you look up to take the lead.
The basics of being a submissive are innate. You either feel subservient to those you feel attracted or not. It is a huge step to willingly give up control to someone. It is always consensual so, as a submissive, you do have control over who you choose to serve. Never give control to another out of sheer loneliness or desperation. This is a “relationship” and as such, needs to be formed based on compromise and mutual respect. Dominants respect a subs gift of willing submission. Submissives respect a Dom’s gift of controlled domination. For the relationship to work within the Lifestyle, both parties need to understand what the other needs.
As a submissive, your first task is to initiate dialogue with the Dominant you are interested in. Avoid the overly aggressive “serve me now” types as a true Dominant will take the time to allow you to express what you have to offer and share with you what they are looking for as well.
Your second task is to determine if you wish to pursue service with the Dominant or become “friends”. I use this term because if you have decided that you would rather not pursue a relationship with the Dominant (but you still respect Them), it is important to at least cultivate a friendship of sorts to build up your network. Because there is no defined community for this Lifestyle, each chance to meet someone who shares your interests is one that should never be squandered. Networking provides opportunities to learn and possibly be referred to or meet a Dominant who may be just right for you (and vice versa).
Your best advertising tool is someone who knows enough about you to vouch for your authenticity.
On the same token, squander an opportunity by disrespecting a former interest will come back to bite you in the ass. Dominants do talk with one another or will come into contact at some point. You may find a Dominant whom you really want to get to know but they heard through “the grapevine” that you were disrespectful. And guess what happens then… it’s over before it even began. Dominants do not tolerate disrespect. Even if you are not interested, still be respectful and decline gracefully.
Karma is a bitch so stay on her good side..
If you have decided to pursue servitude with a Dominant, this is the time to find out what kind of servitude you want.
CHAPTER TWO - You can make two choices for yourself at this stage. You can either follow your head (the one in your pants) or you can follow your heart. To effectively choose between the two depends on where you are in your life RIGHT NOW and ultimately what you want... what you "crave". Many are just “not there yet” and that is okay. You have to start somewhere, right? So start by exploring what you need with a singular focus on the sexual aspect. Finding partners will be easy as the expectation is sex or sex with no strings.
If you feel comfortable and satisfied with this avenue of following your head then stick with it. Yes, it is that simple. The act of choosing your path just requires knowing what you truly want. And, if it’s sexual gratification while working to please your Counterpart (Dom/Top) then you are where you are supposed to be.
But what if it isn’t enough? What if there is a part of you that yearns for more? Now the hard part begins… following your heart.
Sometimes the very thing you’re looking for… is the one thing you can’t see.
The heart of a submissive is a deeply felt need to serve and to feel valued by someone they trust and desire. A relationship is a relationship no matter how it’s formed. It’s two people forging a unique bond that satisfies their needs. That being a Dominant’s need to be in control; and a submissive’s need to be controlled. It’s like the Chinese yin and yang symbol (or my emblem displayed on the header of this site). Two counterparts that are opposite but require the other to become whole. A symbiotic relationship.
To follow ones heart means understanding their need to serve and please. And it’s not that simple. Most know they are submissive but they don’t know why. Many are just born that way… naturally submissive. For others, the feeling may have been triggered due to some event that happened in their past. If it bothers you to not know the reason why or you feel ashamed of these feeling, then I suggest you take a little to really think about it. You already know the answer to your own questions… you just have to be brave enough to admit and accept it.
Otherwise, you become an avatar of your surroundings. Moving through life as if watching it through a window. And that’s not living. That is simply existing. If you want to live… be honest with yourself. As they say, the truth will set you free. The only way to live this life is to live it honestly. Stay true to yourself and you will find what you seek. You may have to deal with a few bumps in the road here and there but never give up on going for what you want.
It’s a lesson I have had to reteach myself a few times over the years. I won’t lie to you, the road is a bumpy one filled with insincere people, confused people, dangerous people and people that make you scratch your head and say “WTF???” Through it all… stay true to who you know yourself to be. You always get back what you put into it… eventually.
The greatest challenge of them all is finding a way to conquer your fears and learn from your mistakes instead of hiding from them.
If you have reached the point of no return and know what you were meant to be, then the last step is simple. Put yourself out there.
To be continued…
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Being Intuitive
A desirable quality in a submissive is the ability to be intuitive. To know what is desired without having to be told. This is accomplished by being attentive and learning from conversations that reflect what the Dominant likes, dislikes, and so on.(Taken from a conversation with one of my followers)
“I told you to use Google Talk (GTalk) for the chat session tonight. You responded that you didn't have it but will get it if I preferred it. Now rethink what you said... didn't I already tell you that I preferred GTalk by directly telling you to use it? It's that kind of redundancy that you want to avoid. It comes off as if you were not paying attention. Don't worry, I am not scolding you... I'm teaching you by real life examples on how to become remarkable and not just standard.”
“I prefer to deal with remarkable. In my view, some things should not have to be taught. Being intuitive is consistent with being attentive. You learn how to serve better by using various ways to accomplish your goal. Directly asking about preferences is one way. But, being attentive during every conversation with a Dominant as a way to learn more is the preferred method. Your goal should always to be to become an asset not a liability.”
“When things become redundant, then Dominants have to rethink if our continued relationship with a submissive is even worth our time. I am always impressed when I can clearly see that a submissive has been listening intently to our conversations and using those opportunities to serve better without having to be told. A submissive always strives to impress. You can still ask questions but recognizing a learning opportunity compared to making an inquiry to increase your knowledge is key.”
“I always tell my followers that I don't speak for my health. And I mean that. Every word spoken has a meaning and is sometimes a clue into getting to know me better. Some clarifications may be necessary and that is okay as you are simply clarifying what you have already gathered from a previous conversation.”
“Don't let what I have just shared with you make you afraid to ask questions. I just want you to be more intuitive and treat each conversation we have as a learning tool. I am sure you already do this but it wouldn't hurt to re-read every email we share between each other to see if there is anything you may have missed. Re-reading is a valuable tool just like watching a movie you've already seen. The second, third or fourth time you watch always makes you focus on elements that you didn't notice before which in turn, adds a new dimension to a movie you've already seen.”
Does that make sense? Of course it does. If it didn't... then you weren't paying attention. So read it again!
Friday, June 10, 2011
My First Submissive
This true-life story chronicles my first experience meeting a straight white jock who didn't know he was looking for someone to serve. My first submissive.
I had my start during my first year in college. On the first day of moving into my dorm, I met Whit. A white jock and all-american looking guy. He seemed extremely outgoing and very interested in me. At the time (the early 90's) race relations were getting better and I think a lot of whites felt more confident about approaching Blacks. We talked about our majors and when he saw the little mini Nerf basketball hoop attached to the door, I suddenly found myself engrossed in a game of dorm room basketball. He had the height and a lot more muscle but I had the skill. At one point, while he was trying to block me, he kept backing his butt up against me to prevent me from having a clear shot.
Now I've been blocked before while playing basketball. It's just natural that bodies will bump that way. But never like that. It seemed almost intentional. But I said nothing... I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't enjoy it. The boy had a really nice ass.
Over the course of the first semester, we started hanging out more since we had three classes together. My Black roommates started joking with me that I had myself a secret admirer. I knew they were joking but they weren't the only ones to notice how "attached at the hip" Whit was becoming. I didn't immediately see it as I'd never had a white friend before and was enjoying the attention.
One of our routines was walking to the local 7-11 together. Whit would find me wherever I was just so that I would walk over with him. It was a good half mile away and we always walked along the train tracks. During that time, Whit would open up about his life, goals and concerns. It was a side of him nobody ever saw but me. Around others, he was the obnoxious, cocky jock guy nobody liked. Always obsessed with his body and flexing in public to show everyone he was the top dog.
I'd later realize that it was because of low self-esteem.
This came to a head one day while I was chatting with Whit's roommates who had invited me in for a beer while I waited. They were very verbal of their dislike for Whit and wondered how I do put up with him. I knew Whit was a bit of a loose cannon around others he felt threatened by and this situation was no different.
I suppose Whit was listening on the other side of the dorm room door when he burst in and started yelling at his roommates. I thought things were about to get physical so I made my exit as it had not escaped my notice that Whit's good ol boy roommates were card-carrying members of the NRA. Nasty tobacco chew spitting and all.
Whit found me later at the library and apologized for his behavior. He thought he had scared me and rushed into an explanation. I didn't need one. I already knew why he flew off the handle like that.
The following semester, Whit and I had only one class together so spent less time as study partners. At this time, I had met a nice couple, Rob and Amy, in one of my new classes. They were both competing bodybuilders and we hit it off almost immediately mainly due to my interest in physical fitness and the art of body sculpting.
My new friendship did not go unnoticed by Whit. He began turning up at our study locations pretending to be on his way somewhere. I saw him checking out Rob and started almost sneering. I caught Rob's expression as he seemed confused by Whit's reaction.
Later on, Rob asked me if he'd done anything to upset Whit and I said no jokingly saying that he was jealous of Rob's development. I knew deep down that I was right. Whit viewed Rob as a threat to our friendship.
Whit became increasingly overbearing at times to the point where I didn't want to see him one day as I'd had enough. He spent most of his time in the gym and the rest trying his best to hog every available time I had.
My avoiding him set off something I had not expected. I came back to my dorm room to pissed off roommates and a hole in our door. Apparently, Whit put his fist through it when he didn't believe them when they told him they didn't know where I was.
The carnage continued up the hall to his room where the door was completely off its hinges and the room totally destroyed. His roommates were nowhere to be found. I was starting to get concerned by this time as I'd never seen Whit get angry. Jealous, yes. Annoyingly vain? Yes, but never violent.
I couldn't find him anywhere so decided to go to 7-11 for a slushee (a nightly routine by that time). Halfway there, from behind, I hear someone running towards me and turn to see Whit. I actually took a step back as I didn't like the crazed look in his eye.
He saw my expression and immediately stopped running and even backed away a little. He asked why I didn't come get him to go to the store and then just broke down and cried! I never knew how important our trips to 7-11 were until that moment. I didn't know what to do as I'd never seen a man cry outside of a funeral.
I cautiously approached and put my hand on his shoulder and asked him what was wrong and he looked up and asked if I still liked him. I said yes. He then asked if I liked him better than Rob. I hesitated but then said yes. I felt he needed to hear that for some reason. He later confided that he was struggling with feelings he'd never had before... towards me.
He identifies himself as straight as he is only attracted to women but with me it's different. He finds himself wanting to please me so that I'd look at him like I did when we first met. I didn't know I looked at him any other way than I already had. He sought my approval on almost everything. And found himself insanely jealous of Rob because he had a more muscular build than Whit. He actually thought that Rob was taking his place as my friend and felt threatened.
He then confided that he had started taking steroids to get bigger quicker. At least that explained the violent episodes and mood swings. They had definitely helped him put on more mass in a very short period of time but the cost was too high.
Whit begged me to not toss him aside. That he needed me but didn't know why and it made him crazy. He just knew that he needed me and would do anything to keep me in his life. Just then, I remembered something my grandmother had said to me before she passed away. Could it be... nahhh. But maybe? Hmmm.
To test that possibility, I asked Whit to meet me in one of the quiet rooms (private windowless study rooms you could reserve for an hour at a time). Whit looked so defeated that I felt bad for him. I told him that we couldn't continue being friends.
He lost it.
Whit crumpled to the floor and asked what he had done wrong. I took a step back and he quickly got back to his feet and begged me to tell him what he did so he could fix it. He'd change, whatever I wanted. I knew that I was the only real friend he had at the school and he was fighting hard to keep me.
So I said that there was one thing he could do.
He said anything. I asked if he was sure. He said he'd never been more sure in his life.
I told him to kneel in front of me.
It took a moment but he did as he was told. He was scared and looked very vulnerable.
I asked, are you in love with me?
The expressions that crossed his face made me smile. It was confusion, surprise, outrage and something else all mixed into one. I knew he was conflicted and I needed to know his answer before I proceeded.
In a small voice, he said yes.
At this time, I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I knew I was at least bisexual but had never been with a man sexually and was curious. So I took the next step.
I told him to kiss my shoes.
He hesitated too long and I turned around to walk out.
I felt his hand encase my wrist and turned and socked him hard in the jaw. A defensive reflex but it surprised both him and me. I recovered immediately and told him to never lay his hand on me unless I told him to. Then commanded him to do as he was told or I walk away for good.
He dropped down and kissed my shoes without hesitation.
Whit helped me experience having my first sub then eventual slave. He was also my first male sexual experience, and I his. During the two years we developed our relationship, he told me that he knows that he is straight but with me he can be anything I wanted him to be. But only me.
By the third year, Whit found out from an ex flame in college that he had gotten her pregnant. DNA testing was accessible at this time and tests confirmed he was the father. Whit always wanted kids and wanted to be apart of his child's life. I allowed him to be.
The problem was that the kid's mother had moved to his home state of Florida. I lived in Michigan. He only got to see his kid once every couple of months when the child came up to visit its grandparents.
Whit served me faithfully and never regretted his decision but I knew he wanted more time with his kid. I gave him permission to travel frequently to Florida whenever I saw depression setting in.
Eventually, I decided to let him go. He fought tooth and nail to get me to reconsider and even said he'd give up his right to his kid. I couldn't allow that to happen. The kid loved its father and I didn't want Whit to cheat the kid out of being its father.
So I eventually came up with the following solution...
Whit didn't like relocating as he was worried I wouldn't need him anymore. He was still highly co-dependent which is natural in the relationship that we were in. He relied on me for everything. Advice, direction, stability (outlook on life), friendship, emotional (satisfying his need to serve and make me happy) and physical.
It was hard the first couple months. There were a few emergency flights from Florida but over time, he settled into his new role... as dedicated father. Eventually, his service to me became inactive but he retains the right to stay in touch and to be of service if I ever needed him for anything.
He's happy with the arrangement as he knows its my will. And that's all that really matters in the end.
Years later we still keep in touch. He graduated and now works for one of the major Universities in Florida utilizing his Sports Medicine degree. I'm "Uncle" to his kid and he's now married (yes, I allowed that). As I said, he was true to his word that he would never be with another man after serving me. His new wife is also a submissive so they have that in common. They are happy together and that makes me happy.
It also makes me happy knowing that Whit would be at my side at the drop of a hat if I wanted him to. After all this time, I am still his number one priority by his own admission. Although, he knows I prefer that he focus on his family.
I am fortunate that my first foray into the Lifestyle went so well. It was unexpected and that's what makes it significant. Neither one of us had any formal Lifestyle training but we still instinctively knew our "roles".
I strongly believe that the key to a successful Lifestyle relationship is possessing a natural tendency towards identifying who you really are. Whether that is Dominant or submissive. It is something you just can't force... it has to happen naturally on its own.
When it "feels right", you'll know.
I had my start during my first year in college. On the first day of moving into my dorm, I met Whit. A white jock and all-american looking guy. He seemed extremely outgoing and very interested in me. At the time (the early 90's) race relations were getting better and I think a lot of whites felt more confident about approaching Blacks. We talked about our majors and when he saw the little mini Nerf basketball hoop attached to the door, I suddenly found myself engrossed in a game of dorm room basketball. He had the height and a lot more muscle but I had the skill. At one point, while he was trying to block me, he kept backing his butt up against me to prevent me from having a clear shot.
Now I've been blocked before while playing basketball. It's just natural that bodies will bump that way. But never like that. It seemed almost intentional. But I said nothing... I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't enjoy it. The boy had a really nice ass.
Over the course of the first semester, we started hanging out more since we had three classes together. My Black roommates started joking with me that I had myself a secret admirer. I knew they were joking but they weren't the only ones to notice how "attached at the hip" Whit was becoming. I didn't immediately see it as I'd never had a white friend before and was enjoying the attention.
One of our routines was walking to the local 7-11 together. Whit would find me wherever I was just so that I would walk over with him. It was a good half mile away and we always walked along the train tracks. During that time, Whit would open up about his life, goals and concerns. It was a side of him nobody ever saw but me. Around others, he was the obnoxious, cocky jock guy nobody liked. Always obsessed with his body and flexing in public to show everyone he was the top dog.
I'd later realize that it was because of low self-esteem.
This came to a head one day while I was chatting with Whit's roommates who had invited me in for a beer while I waited. They were very verbal of their dislike for Whit and wondered how I do put up with him. I knew Whit was a bit of a loose cannon around others he felt threatened by and this situation was no different.
I suppose Whit was listening on the other side of the dorm room door when he burst in and started yelling at his roommates. I thought things were about to get physical so I made my exit as it had not escaped my notice that Whit's good ol boy roommates were card-carrying members of the NRA. Nasty tobacco chew spitting and all.
Whit found me later at the library and apologized for his behavior. He thought he had scared me and rushed into an explanation. I didn't need one. I already knew why he flew off the handle like that.
The following semester, Whit and I had only one class together so spent less time as study partners. At this time, I had met a nice couple, Rob and Amy, in one of my new classes. They were both competing bodybuilders and we hit it off almost immediately mainly due to my interest in physical fitness and the art of body sculpting.
My new friendship did not go unnoticed by Whit. He began turning up at our study locations pretending to be on his way somewhere. I saw him checking out Rob and started almost sneering. I caught Rob's expression as he seemed confused by Whit's reaction.
Later on, Rob asked me if he'd done anything to upset Whit and I said no jokingly saying that he was jealous of Rob's development. I knew deep down that I was right. Whit viewed Rob as a threat to our friendship.
Whit became increasingly overbearing at times to the point where I didn't want to see him one day as I'd had enough. He spent most of his time in the gym and the rest trying his best to hog every available time I had.
My avoiding him set off something I had not expected. I came back to my dorm room to pissed off roommates and a hole in our door. Apparently, Whit put his fist through it when he didn't believe them when they told him they didn't know where I was.
The carnage continued up the hall to his room where the door was completely off its hinges and the room totally destroyed. His roommates were nowhere to be found. I was starting to get concerned by this time as I'd never seen Whit get angry. Jealous, yes. Annoyingly vain? Yes, but never violent.
I couldn't find him anywhere so decided to go to 7-11 for a slushee (a nightly routine by that time). Halfway there, from behind, I hear someone running towards me and turn to see Whit. I actually took a step back as I didn't like the crazed look in his eye.
He saw my expression and immediately stopped running and even backed away a little. He asked why I didn't come get him to go to the store and then just broke down and cried! I never knew how important our trips to 7-11 were until that moment. I didn't know what to do as I'd never seen a man cry outside of a funeral.
I cautiously approached and put my hand on his shoulder and asked him what was wrong and he looked up and asked if I still liked him. I said yes. He then asked if I liked him better than Rob. I hesitated but then said yes. I felt he needed to hear that for some reason. He later confided that he was struggling with feelings he'd never had before... towards me.
He identifies himself as straight as he is only attracted to women but with me it's different. He finds himself wanting to please me so that I'd look at him like I did when we first met. I didn't know I looked at him any other way than I already had. He sought my approval on almost everything. And found himself insanely jealous of Rob because he had a more muscular build than Whit. He actually thought that Rob was taking his place as my friend and felt threatened.
He then confided that he had started taking steroids to get bigger quicker. At least that explained the violent episodes and mood swings. They had definitely helped him put on more mass in a very short period of time but the cost was too high.
Whit begged me to not toss him aside. That he needed me but didn't know why and it made him crazy. He just knew that he needed me and would do anything to keep me in his life. Just then, I remembered something my grandmother had said to me before she passed away. Could it be... nahhh. But maybe? Hmmm.
To test that possibility, I asked Whit to meet me in one of the quiet rooms (private windowless study rooms you could reserve for an hour at a time). Whit looked so defeated that I felt bad for him. I told him that we couldn't continue being friends.
He lost it.
Whit crumpled to the floor and asked what he had done wrong. I took a step back and he quickly got back to his feet and begged me to tell him what he did so he could fix it. He'd change, whatever I wanted. I knew that I was the only real friend he had at the school and he was fighting hard to keep me.
So I said that there was one thing he could do.
He said anything. I asked if he was sure. He said he'd never been more sure in his life.
I told him to kneel in front of me.
It took a moment but he did as he was told. He was scared and looked very vulnerable.
I asked, are you in love with me?
The expressions that crossed his face made me smile. It was confusion, surprise, outrage and something else all mixed into one. I knew he was conflicted and I needed to know his answer before I proceeded.
In a small voice, he said yes.
At this time, I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I knew I was at least bisexual but had never been with a man sexually and was curious. So I took the next step.
I told him to kiss my shoes.
He hesitated too long and I turned around to walk out.
I felt his hand encase my wrist and turned and socked him hard in the jaw. A defensive reflex but it surprised both him and me. I recovered immediately and told him to never lay his hand on me unless I told him to. Then commanded him to do as he was told or I walk away for good.
He dropped down and kissed my shoes without hesitation.
Whit helped me experience having my first sub then eventual slave. He was also my first male sexual experience, and I his. During the two years we developed our relationship, he told me that he knows that he is straight but with me he can be anything I wanted him to be. But only me.
By the third year, Whit found out from an ex flame in college that he had gotten her pregnant. DNA testing was accessible at this time and tests confirmed he was the father. Whit always wanted kids and wanted to be apart of his child's life. I allowed him to be.
The problem was that the kid's mother had moved to his home state of Florida. I lived in Michigan. He only got to see his kid once every couple of months when the child came up to visit its grandparents.
Whit served me faithfully and never regretted his decision but I knew he wanted more time with his kid. I gave him permission to travel frequently to Florida whenever I saw depression setting in.
Eventually, I decided to let him go. He fought tooth and nail to get me to reconsider and even said he'd give up his right to his kid. I couldn't allow that to happen. The kid loved its father and I didn't want Whit to cheat the kid out of being its father.
So I eventually came up with the following solution...
- Reduce service to part-time/seasonal.
- Allow him to retain his status as my sub/slave (long-distance)
- Order him to relocate to Florida and focus on his kid.
- Visit me at least one weekend out of the month.
- Finish his degree in Sports Medicine.
Whit didn't like relocating as he was worried I wouldn't need him anymore. He was still highly co-dependent which is natural in the relationship that we were in. He relied on me for everything. Advice, direction, stability (outlook on life), friendship, emotional (satisfying his need to serve and make me happy) and physical.
It was hard the first couple months. There were a few emergency flights from Florida but over time, he settled into his new role... as dedicated father. Eventually, his service to me became inactive but he retains the right to stay in touch and to be of service if I ever needed him for anything.
He's happy with the arrangement as he knows its my will. And that's all that really matters in the end.
Years later we still keep in touch. He graduated and now works for one of the major Universities in Florida utilizing his Sports Medicine degree. I'm "Uncle" to his kid and he's now married (yes, I allowed that). As I said, he was true to his word that he would never be with another man after serving me. His new wife is also a submissive so they have that in common. They are happy together and that makes me happy.
It also makes me happy knowing that Whit would be at my side at the drop of a hat if I wanted him to. After all this time, I am still his number one priority by his own admission. Although, he knows I prefer that he focus on his family.
I am fortunate that my first foray into the Lifestyle went so well. It was unexpected and that's what makes it significant. Neither one of us had any formal Lifestyle training but we still instinctively knew our "roles".
I strongly believe that the key to a successful Lifestyle relationship is possessing a natural tendency towards identifying who you really are. Whether that is Dominant or submissive. It is something you just can't force... it has to happen naturally on its own.
When it "feels right", you'll know.
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