I had my start during my first year in college. On the first day of moving into my dorm, I met Whit. A white jock and all-american looking guy. He seemed extremely outgoing and very interested in me. At the time (the early 90's) race relations were getting better and I think a lot of whites felt more confident about approaching Blacks. We talked about our majors and when he saw the little mini Nerf basketball hoop attached to the door, I suddenly found myself engrossed in a game of dorm room basketball. He had the height and a lot more muscle but I had the skill. At one point, while he was trying to block me, he kept backing his butt up against me to prevent me from having a clear shot.
Now I've been blocked before while playing basketball. It's just natural that bodies will bump that way. But never like that. It seemed almost intentional. But I said nothing... I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't enjoy it. The boy had a really nice ass.
Over the course of the first semester, we started hanging out more since we had three classes together. My Black roommates started joking with me that I had myself a secret admirer. I knew they were joking but they weren't the only ones to notice how "attached at the hip" Whit was becoming. I didn't immediately see it as I'd never had a white friend before and was enjoying the attention.
One of our routines was walking to the local 7-11 together. Whit would find me wherever I was just so that I would walk over with him. It was a good half mile away and we always walked along the train tracks. During that time, Whit would open up about his life, goals and concerns. It was a side of him nobody ever saw but me. Around others, he was the obnoxious, cocky jock guy nobody liked. Always obsessed with his body and flexing in public to show everyone he was the top dog.
I'd later realize that it was because of low self-esteem.
This came to a head one day while I was chatting with Whit's roommates who had invited me in for a beer while I waited. They were very verbal of their dislike for Whit and wondered how I do put up with him. I knew Whit was a bit of a loose cannon around others he felt threatened by and this situation was no different.
I suppose Whit was listening on the other side of the dorm room door when he burst in and started yelling at his roommates. I thought things were about to get physical so I made my exit as it had not escaped my notice that Whit's good ol boy roommates were card-carrying members of the NRA. Nasty tobacco chew spitting and all.
Whit found me later at the library and apologized for his behavior. He thought he had scared me and rushed into an explanation. I didn't need one. I already knew why he flew off the handle like that.
The following semester, Whit and I had only one class together so spent less time as study partners. At this time, I had met a nice couple, Rob and Amy, in one of my new classes. They were both competing bodybuilders and we hit it off almost immediately mainly due to my interest in physical fitness and the art of body sculpting.
My new friendship did not go unnoticed by Whit. He began turning up at our study locations pretending to be on his way somewhere. I saw him checking out Rob and started almost sneering. I caught Rob's expression as he seemed confused by Whit's reaction.
Later on, Rob asked me if he'd done anything to upset Whit and I said no jokingly saying that he was jealous of Rob's development. I knew deep down that I was right. Whit viewed Rob as a threat to our friendship.
Whit became increasingly overbearing at times to the point where I didn't want to see him one day as I'd had enough. He spent most of his time in the gym and the rest trying his best to hog every available time I had.
My avoiding him set off something I had not expected. I came back to my dorm room to pissed off roommates and a hole in our door. Apparently, Whit put his fist through it when he didn't believe them when they told him they didn't know where I was.
The carnage continued up the hall to his room where the door was completely off its hinges and the room totally destroyed. His roommates were nowhere to be found. I was starting to get concerned by this time as I'd never seen Whit get angry. Jealous, yes. Annoyingly vain? Yes, but never violent.
I couldn't find him anywhere so decided to go to 7-11 for a slushee (a nightly routine by that time). Halfway there, from behind, I hear someone running towards me and turn to see Whit. I actually took a step back as I didn't like the crazed look in his eye.
He saw my expression and immediately stopped running and even backed away a little. He asked why I didn't come get him to go to the store and then just broke down and cried! I never knew how important our trips to 7-11 were until that moment. I didn't know what to do as I'd never seen a man cry outside of a funeral.
I cautiously approached and put my hand on his shoulder and asked him what was wrong and he looked up and asked if I still liked him. I said yes. He then asked if I liked him better than Rob. I hesitated but then said yes. I felt he needed to hear that for some reason. He later confided that he was struggling with feelings he'd never had before... towards me.
He identifies himself as straight as he is only attracted to women but with me it's different. He finds himself wanting to please me so that I'd look at him like I did when we first met. I didn't know I looked at him any other way than I already had. He sought my approval on almost everything. And found himself insanely jealous of Rob because he had a more muscular build than Whit. He actually thought that Rob was taking his place as my friend and felt threatened.
He then confided that he had started taking steroids to get bigger quicker. At least that explained the violent episodes and mood swings. They had definitely helped him put on more mass in a very short period of time but the cost was too high.
Whit begged me to not toss him aside. That he needed me but didn't know why and it made him crazy. He just knew that he needed me and would do anything to keep me in his life. Just then, I remembered something my grandmother had said to me before she passed away. Could it be... nahhh. But maybe? Hmmm.
To test that possibility, I asked Whit to meet me in one of the quiet rooms (private windowless study rooms you could reserve for an hour at a time). Whit looked so defeated that I felt bad for him. I told him that we couldn't continue being friends.
He lost it.
Whit crumpled to the floor and asked what he had done wrong. I took a step back and he quickly got back to his feet and begged me to tell him what he did so he could fix it. He'd change, whatever I wanted. I knew that I was the only real friend he had at the school and he was fighting hard to keep me.
So I said that there was one thing he could do.
He said anything. I asked if he was sure. He said he'd never been more sure in his life.
I told him to kneel in front of me.
It took a moment but he did as he was told. He was scared and looked very vulnerable.
I asked, are you in love with me?
The expressions that crossed his face made me smile. It was confusion, surprise, outrage and something else all mixed into one. I knew he was conflicted and I needed to know his answer before I proceeded.
In a small voice, he said yes.
At this time, I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I knew I was at least bisexual but had never been with a man sexually and was curious. So I took the next step.
I told him to kiss my shoes.
He hesitated too long and I turned around to walk out.
I felt his hand encase my wrist and turned and socked him hard in the jaw. A defensive reflex but it surprised both him and me. I recovered immediately and told him to never lay his hand on me unless I told him to. Then commanded him to do as he was told or I walk away for good.
He dropped down and kissed my shoes without hesitation.
Whit helped me experience having my first sub then eventual slave. He was also my first male sexual experience, and I his. During the two years we developed our relationship, he told me that he knows that he is straight but with me he can be anything I wanted him to be. But only me.
By the third year, Whit found out from an ex flame in college that he had gotten her pregnant. DNA testing was accessible at this time and tests confirmed he was the father. Whit always wanted kids and wanted to be apart of his child's life. I allowed him to be.
The problem was that the kid's mother had moved to his home state of Florida. I lived in Michigan. He only got to see his kid once every couple of months when the child came up to visit its grandparents.
Whit served me faithfully and never regretted his decision but I knew he wanted more time with his kid. I gave him permission to travel frequently to Florida whenever I saw depression setting in.
Eventually, I decided to let him go. He fought tooth and nail to get me to reconsider and even said he'd give up his right to his kid. I couldn't allow that to happen. The kid loved its father and I didn't want Whit to cheat the kid out of being its father.
So I eventually came up with the following solution...
- Reduce service to part-time/seasonal.
- Allow him to retain his status as my sub/slave (long-distance)
- Order him to relocate to Florida and focus on his kid.
- Visit me at least one weekend out of the month.
- Finish his degree in Sports Medicine.
Whit didn't like relocating as he was worried I wouldn't need him anymore. He was still highly co-dependent which is natural in the relationship that we were in. He relied on me for everything. Advice, direction, stability (outlook on life), friendship, emotional (satisfying his need to serve and make me happy) and physical.
It was hard the first couple months. There were a few emergency flights from Florida but over time, he settled into his new role... as dedicated father. Eventually, his service to me became inactive but he retains the right to stay in touch and to be of service if I ever needed him for anything.
He's happy with the arrangement as he knows its my will. And that's all that really matters in the end.
Years later we still keep in touch. He graduated and now works for one of the major Universities in Florida utilizing his Sports Medicine degree. I'm "Uncle" to his kid and he's now married (yes, I allowed that). As I said, he was true to his word that he would never be with another man after serving me. His new wife is also a submissive so they have that in common. They are happy together and that makes me happy.
It also makes me happy knowing that Whit would be at my side at the drop of a hat if I wanted him to. After all this time, I am still his number one priority by his own admission. Although, he knows I prefer that he focus on his family.
I am fortunate that my first foray into the Lifestyle went so well. It was unexpected and that's what makes it significant. Neither one of us had any formal Lifestyle training but we still instinctively knew our "roles".
I strongly believe that the key to a successful Lifestyle relationship is possessing a natural tendency towards identifying who you really are. Whether that is Dominant or submissive. It is something you just can't force... it has to happen naturally on its own.
When it "feels right", you'll know.
