CHAPTER ONE - There is more to being a submissive than following orders or assuming the “bottom” role during a session. Someone who can identify themselves as a true submissive is actually quite rare as there is a difference between play acting a role to satisfy a fantasy and knowing in your heart that you feel the most "at peace" when you allow yourself to be dominated.Everyone starts out somewhere. Whether it be joining the army to serve your country yet, at the same time, discovering how much you love taking orders and being told what to do. Or, even from childhood, you have always felt comfortable letting others you look up to take the lead.
The basics of being a submissive are innate. You either feel subservient to those you feel attracted or not. It is a huge step to willingly give up control to someone. It is always consensual so, as a submissive, you do have control over who you choose to serve. Never give control to another out of sheer loneliness or desperation. This is a “relationship” and as such, needs to be formed based on compromise and mutual respect. Dominants respect a subs gift of willing submission. Submissives respect a Dom’s gift of controlled domination. For the relationship to work within the Lifestyle, both parties need to understand what the other needs.
As a submissive, your first task is to initiate dialogue with the Dominant you are interested in. Avoid the overly aggressive “serve me now” types as a true Dominant will take the time to allow you to express what you have to offer and share with you what they are looking for as well.
Your second task is to determine if you wish to pursue service with the Dominant or become “friends”. I use this term because if you have decided that you would rather not pursue a relationship with the Dominant (but you still respect Them), it is important to at least cultivate a friendship of sorts to build up your network. Because there is no defined community for this Lifestyle, each chance to meet someone who shares your interests is one that should never be squandered. Networking provides opportunities to learn and possibly be referred to or meet a Dominant who may be just right for you (and vice versa).
Your best advertising tool is someone who knows enough about you to vouch for your authenticity.
On the same token, squander an opportunity by disrespecting a former interest will come back to bite you in the ass. Dominants do talk with one another or will come into contact at some point. You may find a Dominant whom you really want to get to know but they heard through “the grapevine” that you were disrespectful. And guess what happens then… it’s over before it even began. Dominants do not tolerate disrespect. Even if you are not interested, still be respectful and decline gracefully.
Karma is a bitch so stay on her good side..
If you have decided to pursue servitude with a Dominant, this is the time to find out what kind of servitude you want.
CHAPTER TWO - You can make two choices for yourself at this stage. You can either follow your head (the one in your pants) or you can follow your heart. To effectively choose between the two depends on where you are in your life RIGHT NOW and ultimately what you want... what you "crave". Many are just “not there yet” and that is okay. You have to start somewhere, right? So start by exploring what you need with a singular focus on the sexual aspect. Finding partners will be easy as the expectation is sex or sex with no strings.
If you feel comfortable and satisfied with this avenue of following your head then stick with it. Yes, it is that simple. The act of choosing your path just requires knowing what you truly want. And, if it’s sexual gratification while working to please your Counterpart (Dom/Top) then you are where you are supposed to be.
But what if it isn’t enough? What if there is a part of you that yearns for more? Now the hard part begins… following your heart.
Sometimes the very thing you’re looking for… is the one thing you can’t see.
The heart of a submissive is a deeply felt need to serve and to feel valued by someone they trust and desire. A relationship is a relationship no matter how it’s formed. It’s two people forging a unique bond that satisfies their needs. That being a Dominant’s need to be in control; and a submissive’s need to be controlled. It’s like the Chinese yin and yang symbol (or my emblem displayed on the header of this site). Two counterparts that are opposite but require the other to become whole. A symbiotic relationship.
To follow ones heart means understanding their need to serve and please. And it’s not that simple. Most know they are submissive but they don’t know why. Many are just born that way… naturally submissive. For others, the feeling may have been triggered due to some event that happened in their past. If it bothers you to not know the reason why or you feel ashamed of these feeling, then I suggest you take a little to really think about it. You already know the answer to your own questions… you just have to be brave enough to admit and accept it.
Otherwise, you become an avatar of your surroundings. Moving through life as if watching it through a window. And that’s not living. That is simply existing. If you want to live… be honest with yourself. As they say, the truth will set you free. The only way to live this life is to live it honestly. Stay true to yourself and you will find what you seek. You may have to deal with a few bumps in the road here and there but never give up on going for what you want.
It’s a lesson I have had to reteach myself a few times over the years. I won’t lie to you, the road is a bumpy one filled with insincere people, confused people, dangerous people and people that make you scratch your head and say “WTF???” Through it all… stay true to who you know yourself to be. You always get back what you put into it… eventually.
The greatest challenge of them all is finding a way to conquer your fears and learn from your mistakes instead of hiding from them.
If you have reached the point of no return and know what you were meant to be, then the last step is simple. Put yourself out there.
To be continued…
