Saturday, September 29, 2012
Using VEET Hair Remover (the hard way)
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Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Gaining My Trust
Trust is huge with me. It is the most important component of any relationship. Without it, you have nothing to build upon. If you approach me about service, I expect you to be a man of your word. Follow through with what you tell me. If I can't trust what you're saying to me then I don't see how you'll ever be able to please me. Just mean what you say or don't say it at all. If you learn anything from me, of importance... learn that.
The Importance of Gaining Initial Trust
(excerpt from a BSU mentorship session)
Initial trust formation is important because it is pervasive. Almost every relationship begins with an initial phase. The initial phase can be characterized by uncertainty and doubt, in which both parties feel around for the right level of trust to accord the other.
Initial trust is also important because many critical transactions are done in the initial phase of getting to know one another. These include brief introductions (first contact online or at public venue), communication of expectations, sexual and domestic activities of various kinds , chance hookups and temporary tasks or jobs (assigned to you - which are almost always to be considered "tests").
During this phase, both parties may extend or withdraw cooperation, and may do so willingly or unwillingly, with either confident and secure feelings or with tension, doubt and skepticism. In any case, the level of trust may impact their effectiveness, making it easy or difficult to accomplish the parties’ interdependent roles. Initial trust is therefore key to what the parties in the relationship can accomplish together.
Initial trust has further import because it excavates a cognitive/affective channel that often has lasting implications for the future mental model of the relationship.
The Importance of Gaining Initial Trust
(excerpt from a BSU mentorship session)
Initial trust formation is important because it is pervasive. Almost every relationship begins with an initial phase. The initial phase can be characterized by uncertainty and doubt, in which both parties feel around for the right level of trust to accord the other.
Initial trust is also important because many critical transactions are done in the initial phase of getting to know one another. These include brief introductions (first contact online or at public venue), communication of expectations, sexual and domestic activities of various kinds , chance hookups and temporary tasks or jobs (assigned to you - which are almost always to be considered "tests").
During this phase, both parties may extend or withdraw cooperation, and may do so willingly or unwillingly, with either confident and secure feelings or with tension, doubt and skepticism. In any case, the level of trust may impact their effectiveness, making it easy or difficult to accomplish the parties’ interdependent roles. Initial trust is therefore key to what the parties in the relationship can accomplish together.
Initial trust has further import because it excavates a cognitive/affective channel that often has lasting implications for the future mental model of the relationship.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
The Importance of Never Saying NO
More times than not, most submissives will encounter a situation where they will struggle with the dilemma of whether to comply with an order from a dominant or decline compliance based on fear, a personal limitation or misconception.
It is every submissives right to protect themselves from harm but is it worth the risk of damaging the trust you've built with your dominant? Or worse yet, seen as "useless" in his eyes which prompts him to seek out another submissive who will comply with what he wants?
I think you know the answer to that.
What's important in this Lifestyle is being able to find a balance. Depending on how attached you are emotionally to your Dominant will make the importance of never saying "no" that much more significant.
I teach my submissives to offer alternatives if they feel uncomfortable indulging in a request or activity. For example, I may want to put my sub in a hood for a sensory deprivation scene but he is claustrophobic; now while I teach my subs to bring things like that to my attention early, some things may not be at the forefront of their mind until a situation brings it front and center.
Instead of saying "Sorry, Sir I can't do that"... I would rather hear "Sir, as much as I want to please you, I don't want to disappoint you with my behavior if you put me in that hood. I am very claustrophobic and while I would do it for your pleasure because that's what you want... I would love to start with a blindfold, if that is okay with you? That way I can work on overcoming that fear... for you, my Master."
Do you see the difference?
Instead of flat out saying "No"... you are showing that you want to comply and willingly offering an alternative in order to please your Dominant and ensure that you perform to his expectations. Disappointing a Dominant is something every submissive who values their connection should avoid at all costs. But, any situation can be negotiable with the proper word choice.
Just make sure you are being upfront and honest about your limitations. There is a difference between blindly submitting out of desperation to please and submitting responsibly to ensure your Dominant stays interested in you and you are allowed to continue to serve to the mutual benefit of all parties involved.
Real Life example #1: A local service applicant was supposed to meet me today (9/16) for his second (chance) interview after he blew his first one the previous week. After spending a week working hard to get me to consider giving him another chance to prove himself... he texts me to say that he "thinks" he got food poisoning from KFC last night.
In my experience, the food poisoning excuse has been used many times before by subs who didn't have the balls to just say they were too nervous to go through with meeting. He claims that he doesn't want to complain about soreness and being exhausted so I asked a critical question... what is more important? At least TRYING to comply or fearing that you would disappoint me somehow thereby choosing the option to cancel? He couldn't give me a straight answer, just kept talking about fearing he would complain and that he still had "bubble guts". So I made the decision for him at that point. I told him to stay home and that I would make other plans... he texted that he was "sorry". I texted back that sorry wasn't necessary. His non-compliance only helped another sub hopeful gain an opportunity to prove himself.
He texted back that he never said he would not follow through with coming over for the interview. I texted that it didn't matter. Not giving me a straight answer was proof enough. It's yes or no... not excuses about being on the fence about making a simple decision. He texted that he wanted to try again when he felt better. I told him that I wished him luck in finding another Black Dominant to gain that opportunity with. I don't give second chances for a reason... the outcome is always the same.
Disappointment.
It is every submissives right to protect themselves from harm but is it worth the risk of damaging the trust you've built with your dominant? Or worse yet, seen as "useless" in his eyes which prompts him to seek out another submissive who will comply with what he wants?
I think you know the answer to that.
What's important in this Lifestyle is being able to find a balance. Depending on how attached you are emotionally to your Dominant will make the importance of never saying "no" that much more significant.
I teach my submissives to offer alternatives if they feel uncomfortable indulging in a request or activity. For example, I may want to put my sub in a hood for a sensory deprivation scene but he is claustrophobic; now while I teach my subs to bring things like that to my attention early, some things may not be at the forefront of their mind until a situation brings it front and center.
Instead of saying "Sorry, Sir I can't do that"... I would rather hear "Sir, as much as I want to please you, I don't want to disappoint you with my behavior if you put me in that hood. I am very claustrophobic and while I would do it for your pleasure because that's what you want... I would love to start with a blindfold, if that is okay with you? That way I can work on overcoming that fear... for you, my Master."
Do you see the difference?
Instead of flat out saying "No"... you are showing that you want to comply and willingly offering an alternative in order to please your Dominant and ensure that you perform to his expectations. Disappointing a Dominant is something every submissive who values their connection should avoid at all costs. But, any situation can be negotiable with the proper word choice.
Just make sure you are being upfront and honest about your limitations. There is a difference between blindly submitting out of desperation to please and submitting responsibly to ensure your Dominant stays interested in you and you are allowed to continue to serve to the mutual benefit of all parties involved.
Real Life example #1: A local service applicant was supposed to meet me today (9/16) for his second (chance) interview after he blew his first one the previous week. After spending a week working hard to get me to consider giving him another chance to prove himself... he texts me to say that he "thinks" he got food poisoning from KFC last night.
In my experience, the food poisoning excuse has been used many times before by subs who didn't have the balls to just say they were too nervous to go through with meeting. He claims that he doesn't want to complain about soreness and being exhausted so I asked a critical question... what is more important? At least TRYING to comply or fearing that you would disappoint me somehow thereby choosing the option to cancel? He couldn't give me a straight answer, just kept talking about fearing he would complain and that he still had "bubble guts". So I made the decision for him at that point. I told him to stay home and that I would make other plans... he texted that he was "sorry". I texted back that sorry wasn't necessary. His non-compliance only helped another sub hopeful gain an opportunity to prove himself.
He texted back that he never said he would not follow through with coming over for the interview. I texted that it didn't matter. Not giving me a straight answer was proof enough. It's yes or no... not excuses about being on the fence about making a simple decision. He texted that he wanted to try again when he felt better. I told him that I wished him luck in finding another Black Dominant to gain that opportunity with. I don't give second chances for a reason... the outcome is always the same.
Disappointment.
Friday, September 14, 2012
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